When I discovered Orgasmic Meditation, I was already on a spiritual path. A ten-day meditation retreat had gotten me started on a profound practice. I had been married for sixteen years and had four children, so when I heard about Orgasmic Meditation, I hoped it would help me understand more about myself and intimacy.
I met with a group of people who all practiced Orgasmic Meditation, and the conversation was engaging, with discussions about feelings and how the OM practice worked. When I left and went back outside, I was stunned by how different I felt. I had been in a world where it was normal to ask a woman you didn't know if you could stay in this intimate practice with her, and now that I was back in the outside world, it wasn't normal anymore. But in fact, which would I prefer? The idea of asking for an OM was daunting at first. I had gone alone to a class and met a woman who was also new to Orgasmic Meditation. After we talked for a while, she seemed to have confidence in me, so we agreed to OM together.
The process of asking for an OM, with its simple rules for request and response, has greatly affected my relationships. The question is direct: “Do you want to OM with me?” The answer is also direct: “Yes, thank you,” or “No, thank you,” without explanation. The formalization of the consent helped me realize that consent is a gift, and so is non-consent. If someone tells me no, it's a fantastic feeling because there is trust between the two people. The person who says no can recognize that I have a desire for something but can also listen to her desire. And no one is hurt.
In many situations outside of OM, the clarity and directness I learned there have helped me to ask for what I want and to accept a no. I give much more attention to other people's feelings than to how my ego feels. My wife has her own spiritual path and does not practice Orgasmic Meditation, but what I've learned in the practice has made our relationship go more smoothly.
My favorite moment of an OM is the step at the end where you share frames. The energy comes down, and we share what we felt during the session. For me, it is a moment of deep connection and gratitude. Sometimes, I'll run into someone, but years after we OMed only once, I'll still feel a strong connection.
The men I have met through Orgasmic Meditation have also affected me. In life, there is always competition between men. But when I speak to other men who OM, I find them open to showing their feelings and vulnerabilities, and that sense of competition is absent. The discussions among the men are wonderful. I still wonder, which of these two worlds is the real world?
