I was the archetypal 45-year-old virgin before I came to Orgasmic Meditation (OM). I wasn’t a virgin in the literal sense, but I felt like one in every classic respect. I was a year out of a 22-year relationship that had been as loveless as it was soul-crushing. I was lonely, and I was desperate.
The ex with whom I’d spent half my life wasn’t a bad person. I didn’t blame her then, and I don’t blame her now. We both came from backgrounds where we weren’t given the tools to understand what it was to give or receive love. We spent two decades trying to love each other and failing, two decades hiding in the other’s shadow. Other people might have ended things after a few months when it was clear it wasn’t working. We didn’t have the tools to say goodbye, so we dragged things out for most of our adult lives.
I had always been faithful throughout those 22 years. Newly single, I finally knew nothing about what it meant to be intimate with a woman. I had no clue how to meet someone or even have a conversation that advanced beyond pleasantries. I had strong values and didn’t want something transitory and meaningless. This was why I felt like a virgin and why I struggled with so much self-loathing and desperation.
I didn’t give up, though. I went online and started looking for any groups that mentioned intimacy or connection. I was particularly interested in anything that sounded safe, as I was terrified. I can’t remember how Orgasmic Meditation was described in the online notice, but it caught my attention. I summoned up my courage and went to an introductory event. From the time I sat down in the room, I was in awe. These people were talking so freely about intimacy, and they spoke without fear of judgment or condemnation. I could feel how empowered the men and women around me felt, and I wanted what they had with every fiber of my being. After that initial introduction, I took the leap and signed up to learn how to OM.
For someone like me, there’s a paradox at the heart of Orgasmic Meditation (OM). The OM itself is this incredibly intimate practice, but it’s something about which everyone was so open—not quite nonchalant, but not timid, either. At first, I didn’t believe such a thing was possible, much less in 15-minute increments. I’d wanted to connect with others for so long; thinking this could be the way was incredible.
It took me a very long time to relax into the structure of the Orgasmic Meditation (OM). It has always been hard for me to find a comfortable position in the nest. In a way, though, that physical discomfort has stopped bothering me – because it’s a reminder that this incredible connection is just beyond that ache in my back or the numbness in my foot. The reminder of my own awkwardness increases my gratitude and wonder at the whole process. From the start, what I loved about Orgasmic Meditation was that I could feel my shame, anger, and resentment all slip away, along with my fears. The deeper we go into the OM, the more free I become.
Sometimes, when people would share with me about their OMs, they would mention that they had felt these remarkable tinglings in their bodies. Men would vividly describe the energies and warmth they felt in their chests. At first, it made me feel inadequate because I didn’t experience anything like that. Maybe I was doing it wrong after all! Finally, I got the courage to share something that had happened to me in an OM. “She asked for more,” I shared at an OM event. “It was incredible.”
That single “more” was perfect for me. It was exactly what I needed. Until then, no woman had ever wanted “more” from me. I explained to the room why hearing that single word was so impactful, and I felt so much empathy and affirmation from everyone there.
Orgasmic Meditation is more than a practice or a tool. It’s been a gateway into a completely different way of living. As vital as the stroking is, the intimacy and human warmth I find with others on this path means even more. I have found an actual community in my fellow OMers in a way I never had before. I have let go of decades of loneliness, ineptitude, and self-loathing. I wish more people could find what I have been so fortunate to find!
