I had always been an intensely socially anxious person. I still am, in a way, but not at all the way I was before. I had few friends, and those who were my friends were people I rarely saw or spoke to. I was, and still am, a software developer – and I lived in an isolated world online, both professionally and personally.
I think some people thrive in isolation, but I wasn’t one of them. I just couldn’t pull together the confidence to break out of the pattern I had been stuck in for so long. I’d get up in the morning and go to work; I’d eat lunch at my desk, come back home, and spend more time staring at my computer. I had no creative outlets.
One day, I had the idea to create this amazing project. It doesn’t matter what it was, except that it was unique, viable, and would help other people. I developed it quietly, tested it, and then walked away from it. I just couldn’t face the thought of the next step, which was dealing with other human beings. I couldn’t talk to them and solicit their help. I chose to abandon this idea rather than take the risk of interacting with others.
At this time, I had a girlfriend. That was rare for me, but she had stuck around for a while despite how I withdrew from her and the world. She had her own spiritual practices, was quite grounded, and was doing purposeful work in the world. She had so much hope for me and was excited when I developed this new project. When she saw I wasn’t willing to get help needed to see the project through, she was done with me. I was doing too much all at once, she told me. And she left. A few weeks later, I lost my job as well. More than anything else, my shame and frustration over not bringing this project idea to fruition led me to start looking for more.
At first, I thought losing my job was a disaster – and then it hit me. I had enough money not to have to work for a while. I was out of this relationship where I had felt inadequate. Maybe I could use this time to try to make some real changes and become a different person who was joyful and satisfied with his work and life. I knew something had to change.
I started looking for ideas at random and found Orgasmic Meditation online. The strangest thing happened at my very first event. I walked into the room, sat down next to a woman I’d never seen before, and we started flirting. I don’t think I knew how to flirt, and here I was doing it. We were laughing together, and I felt at ease. Only much later did I realize that simply being surrounded by the energy of people who practice Orgasmic Meditation (OM) had started to shift something inside of me.
I wasn’t a completely different person. When it came time actually to schedule an OM, I was as scared as ever. I didn’t want to ask anyone to do it with me, and I almost walked out. Finally, a woman asked me to OM, making starting it much easier. She had some experience with the practice already, and she promised to walk me through everything. This was a relief but also scary – I might do it wrong and be rejected for it! When it was time for us to OM, I forced myself to stay calm, set up the nest with her, and we began.
The first time I touched her, I felt electricity surge through my fingertip. That’s not an exaggeration. I’m a scientific, skeptical person. I did not expect this sensation to rush up my arm and into my chest. I did not expect to feel so calm suddenly, at peace, alive, and strangely competent.
That jolt of electricity I felt in my first OM-Orgasmic Meditation is something I still feel almost every time I practice now. I compare it to plugging myself into a socket; something literally got turned on in me as a consequence, and it was much more than my sexuality. It’s as if I went from being gray to being brightly colorful. I was awake after being asleep for so long. I could use many different images, but they all describe the same thing.
Progress isn’t always instant. Early in my practice, I went through a period of obsession with doing everything right. I wanted to be in complete control. I ended up attracting a woman who was an intense perfectionist, someone who pointed out my every flaw. At first, I thought she was the woman of my dreams, but then that façade fell away. When we broke up, I was confused – why had this happened to me when I’d been doing so much work on myself through Orgasmic Meditation? Then it hit me: this woman made me angry. I’d seldom given myself permission to feel and experience anger before, and now I was enraged. I couldn’t keep it in; I was overwhelmed with emotion. Orgasmic Meditation (OM) helped me to stay present in my anger and FEEL it instead of running away from it, and it gave me a vessel to hold and process through all that pain and messiness.
When we start doing this work, we don’t stop being messy and complicated. Instead, we gain real clarity about that mess, the strength to face it, and the ability to move on to a better version of ourselves. That’s exciting beyond words.
I’ve been OMing now for five years. The sense of mastery and well-being I continue to get from this practice is amazing. It led me to search for a job that fit me, one where I could be of genuine use doing work I loved. I decided I deserved to find that, and thanks to the confidence and patience I learned in Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I held out until I did. I started my own business and loved it. It became even more obvious to me how much I’d grown when to supplement my income while growing my business, I returned to where I’d been employed before. This time, I had a different attitude. I could handle things I couldn’t before. Instead of hiding away from the human contact side of the job, I actively sought it out.
