Before our divorce. My husband and I had what I can only describe as a very big life. We had a seven-bedroom house on nine acres, a beach house, and many material things.
Towards the end of our marriage, I was up at four o'clock in the morning to get work done. I was a stepmother, a mother, a wife, a publisher of a magazine, and a private business owner working from home. I was busy, and I liked being busy. What was missing was a connection between my husband and me. William and I had a good life from the outside looking in. Yet, we didn’t make decisions as husband and wife. Our marriage was built around what William desired. The more I said no, the more the culture we lived in, including family members, encouraged him more, and his eyes, without hearing my no, I couldn’t handle, hold, or carry more.
It was my magazine that led me to OM. I’d seen a TedTalk on YouTube and wanted to write a story about what Orgasmic Meditation (OM) was and what it might mean for my readers. I went to New York City to spend a retreat weekend learning about Orgasmic Meditation. I came as a journalist, or at least I thought I did. I kept trying to take notes and write a story as I listened, but soon, the whole workshop experience drew me in, partly because I identified with so many of the women in the room. I could feel how hungry they were, and I shared that hunger.
My husband and I decided to OM every day for ten days. There was a lot of learning in those ten days. It was the first time in a long time that my husband looked at me like maybe I was magic, which is the connection that matters to me. Sadly, it didn’t last, but we benefited greatly from the experience. Primarily, the communication lessons were for both of us. We didn’t keep up the practice for all the same reasons, and we didn’t stay connected before the practice.
After our divorce, I spent six months alone in a community of women and then moved to Hawaii. What a big life looks like for me now doesn’t involve a huge house or a glamorous lifestyle. While I am not opposed to those things, they do not have any meaning for me without connection. What a big life looks like to me now involves “showing up big” in my relationships with people with whom I share a mutual desire to enhance the quality of each other’s lives. It all comes back to reverence and communication.
Orgasmic Meditation (OM) has confirmed so fully for me there is only one thing on earth more powerful than the female orgasm, and that’s communication. Communication is the art, and we’re all called to be artists. I expect to be doing this artwork for the rest of my life.
