I grew up with three brothers and no sisters and went to an all-boys school. Throughout my teens, until I got to university, I had almost no female contact, so I was clueless about how to connect with women. I also had attachment issues, which I didn't know about at the time. As a consequence, getting close to a woman always triggered upsetting feelings. I often ran away when an intimate moment was about to happen. I came to believe I couldn't have that kind of connection.
At the age of thirty, I married, and my wife and I had no sex life at all. When we separated, I had a series of relationships in which there was a lot of sex, but the relationships were short-lived. I couldn't understand why they kept failing. Finally, I gave up and bought a top-floor flat, the modern equivalent of a hermit cave. After a couple of years, I was getting seriously lonely. An Internet search led me to OM—Orgasmic Meditation. The idea of stroking a woman's clitoris in this manner just shocked me. I couldn't believe the practice even existed. It took me a few weeks to work up to finding out more.
My first few OM sessions were emotionally overwhelming. My body turned to jelly, and I could barely move afterwards. I was sobbing one minute and laughing the next. But stuff was changing inside of me. It was clear that my preconceived ideas about women didn't fit this new experience. I went on OMing, curious to find out where the practice would take me. For a long time, I couldn't understand the point of the step at the end where we shared frames, each of us describing a sensation from the session. To have something to report, I realized I had to stay in touch with my sensations, but I didn't get why. My brain struggled to figure out what these feelings had to do with the OM and my partner.
It took about a hundred OMs before I let go of the mental effort. Instead of classifying the experience, I learned to observe and enjoy the feelings. And then, I understood that the sensations in my body were related to what was happening to my partner. Once I grasped this key fact, I noticed it also applied to my conversations with people. In the past, I'd always been in my head, trying to have an intellectual exchange and come across as smart. But if I paid attention to what was happening in my body, I could make a deeper connection because those sensations resonated with the other person's feelings.
My work was also affected. When I ran workshops, I was proud of getting seventy to ninety percent positive feedback. But after OMing for a while, I received my first set of feedback that was 100 percent positive. I was more confident and more able to connect with my audience. Since then, it's stayed between ninety and 100 percent because of what I learned through Orgasmic Meditation.
One day, I OMed with a woman I barely knew. Despite knowing nothing about each other, the session was so powerful I felt like a hurricane was blowing through me. If I hadn't done all the previous OMs and learned to open myself up, I wouldn't have been able to receive that energy. I could feel her, and she could feel me, although no words were spoken. In the end, I was shaking with the force of it.
A few months later, we started dating. I experienced a beautiful, deep, and powerful connection with her. Two years after our first meeting, we were married. As we learn about our relationship and how to be intimate, a lot arises between us. We fight quite a bit because we are open and honest with each other, and each time, we find a way to reconnect and deepen our connection. We are always coming together, drifting apart, clashing, and then we are back together, connected again. It can be painful sometimes. There have been moments of deep misery, yet I have never been happier. We have a real, living, conscious, and caring relationship, and I would not want it to be any other way.
Orgasmic Meditation has opened up a world of connection for me, a world I never knew existed. And the door to that world wasn't outside; it was within me, accessed through awareness of the sensations in my body. I want this kind of connection for everyone.
