I had been living what seemed like the American Dream. My wife and I had been together for 16 years since we were in college. We had a house in the L.A. suburbs, good jobs, and a baby boy. I had had a scary battle with cancer, but I’d beaten it. On the outside, everything looked good, even enviable.
On the inside, my wife and I were struggling. We were good, maybe even best friends, but we had no intimacy. We’d been through so much together that I figured it was just a season of our lives, and we’d get through it. And then, one day, she told me that she’d cheated on me, that she wanted to end the marriage, and that she had realized she was a lesbian.
What was so shattering to me was that I had had no clue that this was who she was. She’d done her best to hide it. Still, we’d been together 16 years and gone through so much together. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like my whole world was crumbling. How could I have had no idea? What else was I missing if I couldn’t see my best friend for who she truly was? I was left reeling for a long time. I was less angry at her than I was upset with myself. I began to doubt everything.
It took me a few months to get myself sorted. In time, I realized I needed to move on with my life, but I felt I needed a bit of help. I didn’t want anything like what had happened in my marriage to happen again. I started asking around, and a friend laughingly suggested I check out OM - Orgasmic Meditation. I snorted dismissively, and my friend got serious. “Check it out,” she insisted. “It’s the real thing.”
So, I did some research and found some videos online. My first OM—Orgasmic Meditation was while watching a video over and over again and then stroking a woman I was dating at the time. (That woman is now my fiancée.) It was stressful initially because I kept breaking gloves, and we used the wrong lube. My girlfriend didn’t know how to correct me. It was a bit of a mess, but we both felt there was enough there and that it was worth learning more about. We started OMing with others, and I learned a lot. I felt very insecure about my capabilities; I had come out of my marriage full of self-doubt. I was eventually able to shift from concentrating solely on the technique to being able to focus on the meditative aspect of the practice. I started to feel a real connection.
I had been wounded by what I had not seen or understood about my first wife. What I came to understand was that Orgasmic Meditation could help me process that pain by learning to hear women in a nonverbal way. I couldn’t read or understand my ex. In OM, I realized that if you rely only on what women say, you’re only seeing the tip of the iceberg. There’s a huge piece going on underneath that I hadn’t even realized was there. Orgasmic Meditation taught me that I needed to dive beneath the surface and look for what was down there, literally and figuratively.
I’ve never encountered anything that can help you go below the surface, quite like Orgasmic Meditation. Not long ago, my fiancée and I got into this awful fight. It started at a personal growth class and continued in the car on the way home. Back in the house, we kept going at it for over an hour. We weren’t making any progress, just hurting each other more and more. Suddenly, I had an idea. I asked her to OM with me. She looked at me as if I was crazy and said no – but after a moment, she changed her mind. We set up the nest in another room without speaking to each other. It was tense and incredibly uncomfortable, but we were committed to trying. The moment my finger touched her clitoris, something began to well up inside of her. I felt it, too. She started to cry and then sob, and I just stayed with her as these emotions passed through her.
An old me would have stopped to ask what was wrong and if we should talk it through. But the thing about this work is that it is so much more than what can be encompassed by words. So I didn’t ask what was wrong, but I did cry with her as I stroked her. Together, we built towards an incredible catharsis that shifted so much in our relationship. And we did it completely through this powerful non-verbal form of communication. There’s only so far your intellect and your words can get you. You need a different tool for the deeper stuff, and that’s what I have with OM—Orgasmic Meditation now.
