Between the ages of 5 and 16, I experienced a lot of abuse. By the time I was older I learned how to stay out of hand's reach and just not be home. But the intent from him was still there. As a result, in my youth, I was totally outside my body without connection. The way I look at it, humans have a soul or an infinite spirit, whatever you want to call it, and a body. And there's an interaction between the two. Basically, I had stopped interacting with my body at a very young age because it wasn't safe.
As I got older, I started looking for ways to fill that hole and the lack of feeling. I tried filling the hole with exercise and a little bit with drugs and alcohol. I tried to fill it with food and shopping—all sorts of things. And it never worked. I tried lots of different healing modalities. They worked for a few days, maybe a few weeks, and then nothing. I also turned to men. I'd get excited about a new man in the beginning, but it didn't take long before it got really boring.
Between the ages of 25 and 45, I faked everything. I pretended to like things I didn't. Everything just felt kind of dead. When I turned 45, I started making different choices. I started speaking up more in life. Yes, I'd like to do this. No, I really don't care to do that. How about something else instead? As I started making better choices for myself, my body started to turn back on. But in the relationship realm, nothing was fulfilling, and that made my body very sad.
About that time, I again started dating a man I’d dated years before, and he introduced me to OM. I loved Orgasmic Meditation from the start. When I first started OMing, my body turned on, and the energy ran through the roof. I never asked for adjustments. I just went with the incredible energy and sensations. But as I settled into the practice, things got more refined, and I learned to start asking for adjustments. Most women aren't taught to ask for and receive what they want. I sure wasn’t. Unfortunately, my partner couldn't handle my asking for adjustments. He always took it personally. So, our relationship fell apart, and I continued to OM with others.
Orgasmic Meditation brought me out of a life where I was very depressed and suppressed. It helped me release old, stuck emotions around who I was and who I thought I should or shouldn't be. It gave me a new set of tools to feel turned on and ask for something different. Growing up without boundaries, I didn't know how to say “No,” much less “Stop!” I didn’t know how to say, “That doesn't feel good; please do something different.” So, the container and the rules of Orgasmic Meditation made me feel safe to explore this new territory of asking for what I wanted. And if somebody showed up who was going to push boundaries, I learned to say, “No, thank you.”
I developed a genuinely healthy relationship with my body. And it was revolutionary, giving my body a voice and a choice. I started to talk to my body about business, food, and clothing. I asked my body what she would like today. Instead of assuming that my body wanted to eat, I would ask, “Would you like anything to eat right now?” Or, “Body, would you like something to drink right now?” I asked instead of assuming.
The more I talk to my body, the happier she is. Asking her questions always feels like the path to the most fulfillment. My body tells me which way to go for more happiness. When I was offered the opportunity to work as a radio show host talking about orgasmic embodiment, my body lit up intensely. That’s how I know something is a “Yes.” My body tells me. When I got ready to choose a show topic, I asked my body what topic was creative and generating. And I know what to choose because, just like in Orgasmic Meditation, my body speaks up in that moment. It's like effervescent bubbles—like somebody opened a champagne bottle inside.
When I'm contracted, and it's a “No,” which is what my body felt like before I was 45 and before Orgasmic Meditation, my body feels like dead space, as if everything is pulling in and contracted and crunchy. OMing helped me connect with the truth. It’s brought me face-to-face with the realization that fulfillment is our birthright.
