Coming into the Erotic world, there are some things to learn— things the masculine parts of ourselves do not know, were never taught, trained to notice, or understand. Things that may confound our rational, practical, and productive sensibilities. Things that may be confronting, sting our pride, or ask us to offer more than we know how to.
As we descend into Eros there are some ideas that may make the transition easier.
We are no longer in the domain where we know everything. Eros operates according to wisdom, not information. Our accumulated skills, knowledge, and talents are of little use here. We are in a genuinely foreign terrain, with its own language, customs, and laws. We can only learn to navigate it skillfully through experience, and that requires we allow ourselves to be moved. To observe and feel before responding. To learn how to hear our intuition before reacting. To slow down and notice.
We are brought up to want and need very little. We deny, both to ourselves and others, the reality of our humanity—that we have desire, that we want things for ourselves and others, that we have feelings and emotions. Instead, we say, “I’m good,” and hold our breath, bottling up our accumulated impulses and instincts. In fact, the better we can deny our feelings, the more pride we have in our stoicism. What we want to do in Eros is move to admission. To admit we are human, to admit what we are feeling. When we interact with those who are more feminine, they can feel it anyway—in a flash, they can sense how angry, frustrated, or turned on we are. We learn denial is in no way bringing us closer together; it is only us trying to pretend to ourselves that something isn’t happening.
We are so accustomed to producing, we completely bypass the count- less opportunities for intimacy available in any moment. Connection is challenging when we are consumed by our goals or when we feel busy, stressed, or preoccupied. It is easy when we take a moment to slow down, to tune in, and to feel.
We are convinced that if we are not spending our time well, we are wasting it. And we certainly do not want to be wasting time when the clock is ticking. We spend our time measuring results rather than feeling our body. Is our body enjoying an experience? What can we do to change the feeling of the situation rather than make it more efficient?
Not only are we bent on being productive and efficient, we will skip over experiences in order to reach our goals. What we are really skipping is staying present and available. Our attention darts around frantically rather than steadying itself and tuning into what’s actually happening. Shortcuts are an attempt to completely bypass the journey. There is no concern for the process or experience itself. In Eros, all that matters is the experience, felt moment-to-moment.
Pride has us convinced we know everything, and will keep us far too inflated to descend into Eros. In Eros, we likely do not know. We likely know almost nothing at first. To enter Eros acting like we know is like entering a foreign country pretending to speak the language. No one is convinced. It is much easier to admit we don’t know. From there, we can connect. From there, we are open and willing to have Eros pour its wisdom into us.
We show up in all ways, meaning we choose to bring ourselves into every situation, no matter how challenging or confronting it may be, no matter what the sensation, emotion, or feeling is. We have spent a lifetime turning away from situations we do not like. In Eros, we learn to remain present—turning toward and facing our discomfort. We bring the power of our attention, curiosity, and willingness. We develop our capacity to feel—to feel her, to feel ourselves, to feel into the moment, and to feel for what is wanted. To be able to remain present in all conditions is to show up ready to receive Eros’s power and wisdom.
Perhaps the most challenging new skill to develop coming into Eros is to relinquish climax. We seek climax emotionally by picking fights. We seek it in sex by pumping until we go over. We seek it in life by creating do-or-die situations where the stakes are high whether we succeed or fail. In Eros, we learn to stay present during any level of sensation, low or high, and in doing so we learn to appreciate all qualities, all levels of intensity, all colors along the spectrum, rather than only the brightest or darkest spots. Climax has us bypass life in order to bring situations to a close.
