Women often think the issue is their body. We want to be perfect. Beneath these ideas lies an interaction between mind and body. The rational mind likes to be streamlined and taut without anything to carry so that it can make its forays outside of the body and have a sense of freedom away from the density, sights, and sounds of the sensorium of the body. The mind associates freedom with lack of stimuli. It can be in a position where there is a lack of engagement with the world and the senses close, or it can be engaged with the world but disconnected from the body. But being in the world while in the body, to the disconnected rational mind feels too slow, too burdensome, like there is too much information to process when there is somewhere to get to—be it nirvana or the top of the ladder—somewhere other than here in the midst of the chaos of the world. And yet, the mind is yoked to the body.
The mind has one solution to this, which is out. It may be through business, it may be through the gateway of the breath, but out is where it wants to go, where there is open space. If that is the aim, then restriction is a good idea. This is where control is the tool. Controlling input and output of the body in terms of behaviors, thoughts, actions, even food—are all undertaken in order to prevent one thing: being trapped in the body. The mind is always tugging on that leash to get away from the body, where the freedom of relief lies.
Of course, it wants security, too. Security can only be found in the body, but the mind seeks security outside. For women, it is often with men; for men, it is often with purpose or god or spirit. For both, when not aligned with Eros, it can be material goods. The paradox is that the mind seeks freedom, but considers it as freedom from the body. But in order to stabilize, it needs the security that only the body can bring.
It may try to use its methods of control on the body—like breath or yoga— in order to enter, or try to keep pulling on the leash by going toward rewards, be they material or spiritual. The mind does not consider this to be rejecting or violating the body because it only considers what it wants. It is doing the body a favor when it bothers to pay attention. The mind considers the body an obstacle to getting the freedom it really wants and, ultimately, a nuisance that must be paid attention to in order to achieve its goal.
It can be a dictator when the body will not do what it wants the body to do—to give it power, to look the way it wants it to look, to support it so it can just be free and do what it wants. The body is seen as a servant—and an unruly and difficult servant at that—so even more control must be applied to get it to do, and give up, what the mind wants and needs in order for the mind to be able to enjoy its freedoms.
It is key to understand that the mind is not looking at two equals, that it has the whole thing in reverse. The mind is confused by the idea that it is the gift and the body is the servant. It has it upside-down. The body has little recourse as the whole world tends to agree with this notion. Its only option is to refuse to give itself up anymore. It turns off the power and resources and gets sick, shutting down access to Eros that would saturate and relax the mind.
The body holds even tighter to the yoke, producing the sensation of anxiety in the mind as the mind tries to go in one direction but is held back on the other. If the mind is more cunning and tries to escape through spiritual means, the body has little recourse. The spiritual mind prides itself on its inclusivity, fairness, and equality, but while it prides itself on being so honorable, it does not know the body in the least and it certainly does not treat it as an equal.
The mind cannot speak the language of the body; it does not know what the body wants or how it operates. The body knows well how the mind operates and may attempt to communicate in various ways how little the mind knows of the body. It knows the body in scientific terms, compartmentalized onto charts. Or the mind may consider what the body can be used for to access spirituality, considering it only as a bridge to those important places. But the body on the body’s terms? The mind has no idea.
The mind in spirituality will try to assert its kindness that it is willing to be a bridge. The body has had to be fluent in both the language of the mind and the body, but the mind cannot begin to decipher the language of the body. It tunes out, it disconnects, and when it is too confused, it asserts its dominance again and says to the body, “You need me.” It plays on the body’s real version of inclusion and welcoming to sneak in, try to get its resources, and get out again.
A humbling moment will occur for the mind—always with its own agenda—believing there is in fact no other agenda that matters. Always believing it is the only one that knows what is right and then having to admit it has absolutely no idea. In this moment, a deeper truth is revealed: the superiority of the mind is a huge smokescreen to cover the fact that it needs the body, it wants the body’s resources, but it is totally incompetent in terms of visiting—much less inhabiting, or even contributing to, or truly serving—the body.
Behind all the self-importance of the mind, that is the big reveal. If we OM enough, the tumescence, unease, and trauma we experience as a result of this separation will heal. Not by examining or processing our congestion, but by introducing Eros into ourselves. With this increase in Eros, the day may come when there is a revolution of the body.
The body may simply say, “No more.” With the power and lights on, the shady maneuvers of the mind get revealed; the ways it has made the body feel inferior and that it was doing the body a grand favor just by offering its presence. The day may come in the practice, a day both terrifying and thrilling, when the body simply says, “No.”
Here, we may begin to experience mystical union—interconnectedness and transcendence of the ordinary self. We may have moments of profound insight or understanding, accompanied by feelings of awe, reverence, and a deep sense of meaning and purpose. A sense of oneness with the universe or a higher power, and a dissolution of the boundaries between self and other may occur. The body is our vehicle through which we reach this state. Here, beyond the tumescent mind, healing occurs.
Until we reach this state, we may temporarily subdue the symptoms of the tumescent mind, but we will never entirely be free from it. This direct encounter with the unknown is where our identity dissolves along with resentment, rejection, repression, or resistance to reality in any other form. We are left with a sense of openness, vulnerability, and surrender. On this day, there is no againstness, no punishment, no rejection. The body would in fact welcome a courteous mind, but the game has now been revealed. The body now recognizes it holds the cards, it has the power, it can (although it would not be optimal) operate without the mind more easily than the mind can operate without the body. On this day, the body says, “If you want my resources, it will be on my terms.
