The tumescent mind is scarcity-based and always demands more in relationship. Rather than offer the willingness to develop greater sensitivity as an expression of love, when stuck in the tumescent mind we find ourselves instead demanding more physical contact. However, while physical connection mitigates the immediate hunger for contact, it never actually feeds us. It asks less of us in terms of what we must develop to feel real intimacy.
Giving in to the demand for mere physical connection automatically results in progressively reducing the energetic dynamic tension that brings gratification. The connection grows more dense, and we are always asking for more. The tumescent mind, with its mere passive attention, will keep seeking out physical contact, continually generating problems that call for greater pressure in order to feel, when what is actually called for is connected distance.
The tumescent mind, in protest to the way things are—to natural law, and the fact that to have what it wants requires effort—will make the mental ultimatum of agreeing to have physical distance but sacrifice connection as a result. The tumescent mind will say, "I told you so, I told you it wouldn't work," cutting off connection as a way to extort its demand for the physical world.
The truth, though, is we cannot actually disconnect. So we continue to send energy to the connection, only now it is rejecting and turning against it. We end up hurting the person we want to be closer to because we cannot have the physical connection that is no longer satisfying.
The tumescent mind knows to increase pressure and either possess or cut off—there is no recognition of the living dynamic relationship found in-between.
It may also see nature's offering of distance as a type of rejection that blames the other person and retaliates. Developing a life in physical separation becomes something we do "at" another person punitively.
When we cut off the proximity, the other person may feel rejection. We find ourselves doing things directly or indirectly to hurt them as a call for them to return somewhere physically closer while convincing ourselves that we are "taking care of ourselves." The "taking care of ourselves" will, in actuality, be anything but.
That life will become one built on rejection and pride and must eventually crumble. It will harm the connection that had the potential to actually grow into a more subtle place.
