Communicating in real time, with feeling, in the freshest, most honest way, can feel dangerous in our world, which has been built to concretize and solidify. Our communications are often taken and locked down as something permanent by the people listening to us. Rather than being viewed as a reporting of the now, they are seen as a promise of the future.
We tend to cut off moments and put them in a vase in an attempt to keep them; in reality, we wind up killing what could have lived forever. The mature Erotic speaker must plan for this tendency of people to try to secure language and make it static and a tool of the letter of the law, rather than of the spirit of the law.
We fear speaking the truth, because the truth is always only the truth right now. Intimacy, and the felt sense of intimacy, is the willingness to track reality, without attempting to make it permanent. If we are committed to moving with reality, intimacy is a powerful tool that reports in real time what is happening. If we are instead interested in building a case for securing our position, the truth of right now is dangerous.
This security of communication is a form of sloth based on an unwillingness to maintain real-time, continuous communication to stay abreast of the ever-changing kaleidoscopic nature of the interior terrain. The tumescent mind sees people as static objects of their projection to fill a space inside of their scarcity and will use any means necessary to keep them frozen in that position.
The tumescent mind, scarce by nature, is always looking to possess as a way to conserve what it perceives is limited energy. The tumescent mind cannot afford the truth. It sits on the sidelines, miserly hoarding, as an endless banquet passes by. Because it will not surrender itself to Erotic flow and demands to hold itself outside, it lacks access to the inexhaustible resources surrender would afford it.
Anytime someone repeats what we have said as a way to freeze us into a past communication, valuing obligation over the truth of this moment, we know they are interested in keeping us as objects rather than knowing us as interdependent subject-objects. This is performance-mode communication where we concern ourselves more with the result than with the spontaneous truth of vulnerability. When we begin to speak the truth in real time, we step out of trying to make a person feel a certain way, or even trying to get them to understand.
Instead, we come as close as possible to speaking the first-generation conversation, before it is "cut" with resentment or appropriateness and thus untruth. First-generation conversation is the raw, life-giving expression of one's interior world in real time. The best way to know what to say is to ask ourselves, "If I could say anything, what would I most want to say?" We keep asking until we hear an answer that rings. Or, we say to someone, "What would you say to a friend about the situation?"
We go inside and ask simply, "What wants to be spoken?" and speak that without embellishment. Sometimes we hear that silence wants to be spoken here. Sometimes we hear that narrative wants to be spoken here. More often than not, what we hear is direct and simple—prior to resentment, care-taking, propriety, shock value, formulaic statements, and provocation. It will likely be a few simple words. The language of the heart operates by the laws of nature. It uses everything—meaning it is concentrated but also efficient and does not waste words.
We simply continue to offer the deepest truth we can in the best way we know possible, and then, for the challenging part—we trust. We trust in its innate power and the fact that if we do not water it down or alter it for another's listening, we may be able to deliver it with the potency of where we are delivering it from. Too often we stop and adjust to speak for the hearing of another rather than the accuracy of what we are communicating, and in the process, we lose the meaning.
We so fear what others will take away that we do not allow them the option of choosing for themselves. We predetermine the incompetence of another to hear the inner stirrings of the soul and rob them of the opportunity to know us at our essence.
The truth is hot. It melts what is frozen. The key is to continue to say it regardless of how it is used. Eventually, it sets us free from the deep freeze of the tumescent mind that wants to keep all things on lockdown.