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eros: The essential energy force that arises from our desire for connection with ourselves, others, and the world around us. It encompasses all of life, evokes beauty, and contributes to an understanding of essential truth. It seeks to unify masculine and feminine energies and manifests as creativity and genius.
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The Erotic Room

By Guest Published: December, 2024

Transcendent Sex

In Eros, the physical experience of sex is the vehicle to transport us to the present moment with another human being. We often think people want too much sex, but the issue is that we all ask too little of it. We go from the garage to the driveway and consider it done while the Erotic is inviting us to the outer edges of the known universe. We use what is meant to be a rocket ship like a tricycle.

For the full potential of sex to be realized, we start at its most basic, biological foundation. Just as we rock a baby to sleep, mimicking the comforting rhythm of the heartbeat they once were close to, the physical act of sex tunes into the instinctive pulse and rhythms our own lives emerged from. This alignment allows the rational mind to rest, moving it away from external survival instincts and back to a state where natural care occurs effortlessly.

Silencing Chatter

True sex in Eros calms the mind in this way, silencing its constant chatter, cravings, and fears. OM trains us to attune to these rhythms and move with them, similar to a mother instinctively rocking her child, their heartbeats synchronizing to the underlying rhythm. This alignment allows us to harmonize with each other. When fear arises, either expressed by freezing or overdriving, the key is to listen. We can either focus on our internal thoughts or direct our attention outward until an entire soundscape opens before us.

We can immerse ourselves in the surrounding sounds. We tune in and while it may be faint at first, we realize that we can sense the rhythm underneath.

Embodied Movement

The rhythm itself will move us. The more we tune in to it, the more power it will have. We may still feel awkward as the music begins, but soon enough we feel it coming up through our feet, lubricating our bones and muscles.

In contrast, fear is the experience of rigidity and contraction in body and mind, such that we cannot open to match an incoming flow of energy. Sex brings a swell of energy and it is not surprising that many of us with contracted bodies and minds filled with fixed ideas should have fear around sex.

Fear often presents in the feminine as the freeze impulse, and in the masculine as the overdrive impulse. These patterned responses interlock; the horns of his head all too perfectly match the holes in hers. Fear drives the mind out of each of their bodies and conditioning takes over, carrying on at the biological level.

Erotic Path

Eros provides a path for what could otherwise be reduced to two bodies moving in uncomfortable ways with the hope of a few moments of relief, into an experience that transports consciousness into the Erotic mind. The key here, especially for those who are feminine, is to listen and be moved no matter what. So much conditioning can begin to play out. We can become overly concerned with what our partner is doing or isn't doing, whether or not they are moving too fast, are conscious or unconscious, their scent.

The process requires we fasten our attention on the rhythm. Not on the voices in our heads. Not on what our partner is doing. Much like when we are in the ocean focusing on the waves, we are not thinking about how we look or when we will get out of the ocean or what it means to be in the ocean. We aren't concerned about others.

Most importantly, for a woman, when she focuses on the waves and on her own movement, she can finally be released from "meaning." Women in particular place so much meaning on sex that it prevents them from being one with the waves, one with the experience. It is this being "one with" that lulls the mind and liberates it from the rigid female conditioning around purity and all the meaning she projects onto allowing another in. All of the meanings that it precisely is not.

Waves Connection

When we tune in to the waves, they purify all experience and act as a point of connection. When we focus only on each other, we are like two people trying to dance with no music. Neither of us is sure who should lead without the guidance of rhythm. When we both make the rhythm our focus, something beautiful happens—we find a meeting point and a unique, artistic, and complementary response to it. Both of us are elevated in beauty and art to discover the same world eroticized, scarcely like any world we have ever known.

If discomfort arises, the key is to resist self-soothing. Self-soothing still employs the mind interacting with the mind, waking the thinking engine that sex is meant to calm. We want the mind restfully subsumed into the body. As much as we want to turn ourselves on, to add to the experience, this engages the "voluntary musculature" that is contradictory to flow.

Instead, drive all the attention into the rhythm. If we are able to tune in to the rhythm, there will be an energetic lubrication that occurs as relief, joy, pleasure, and release. This is the experience of sinking into the Erotic.

Avoiding Attachment

There is a tendency to attach these feelings to our partner. In our culture, this may be noble, but in Eros, it is anything but. The ego and the physical are always welcome in Eros, provided they are good guests and do not try to hijack the experience.

When we focus only on the other and feel what we mistakenly call love, we are essentially picking the flower to put it in a vase. We take what is beautiful—precisely because it is perishable and alive—and attempt to "capture." In effect, we are killing it. To truly love another is to love the connection between, to love them enough to blow open the temptation to pluck and possess them. We can feel good, recognizing our mind will want to wrap around the experience. Instead, aim that impulse in the other direction: push out.

Real Love

This is the work of real love, to take that habit of gripping around, ready to pluck, but instead keep that hand open. Not because we don't care enough but because there is so much love that we want to keep it liberated for life. We can do this in sex and in the rest of our lives. Our intention in the Erotic approach is to grow and deepen what lies between. And what lies between is this Erotic Room, the place where each of us can come out, can roam free, can be known. A place where we have broken through the tumescent sound barrier.

This room exists in other domains, like meditation and prayer, but what makes this room so spectacular in Eros is that we inhabit it with another person. In those other places, we find freedom in spite of all those distracting other people. Here, we find freedom because of another. The implications reverberate throughout the rest of our lives.

Multidimensional Selves

Here, we experience the various and self-organizing parts of ourself being liberated into the space of the room, as if our various selves are getting out of a densely packed vehicle. Having lived in a world where we must present as a singular linear monotone self, our various aspects attempt to form a seemingly cogent line that makes up a personality. In this room, their home, their domain, there is a sense that our selves can come out of the cage and be in their natural habitat.

The Erotic opens in dimensions and so all of the selves can express concurrently. What would seem like a chaotic identity in a flat world has perfect order when there is enough dimension for it all to be expressed. This occurs in our being as a breath from beyond the body. As the selves are opened and released into the field, there is an exhale all the way to essence, an allowance. This is the expression of surrender. Surrender is for this. Surrender to this.

Populated Interior

The fully realized expression of this room is as though we have entered a fully populated interior world where we know all of the characters with a depth, love, reverence, and familiarity, both those emanating from ourselves and from our partner. Again and again there is the experience of, "Oh, there you are," or "Oh, that's you." A glimpse across our partner's face or a faint voice in the mind occurs as a full-blown archetype, energy, or being who is in this room. We have done the work to make it safe for them to reveal themselves to us.

From here, from each of us, a complementary self will emerge, and they will meet. Again, there will be the sense that they have always known each other—a deep familiarity. An aspect from each of us will connect with the other and will, in a sense, take over. It will feel as if love is being made through us rather than we who are making love.

Energetic Reconciliation

There will be an understanding of how this aspect within the self works and how it works in concert with the other person. In this room, the part of her that is bossy and can't keep her mouth shut is a radiating woman of nobility who has been cramped up. Her partner who doesn't seem to respond enough in the physical world but in this room is a pure appreciative presence who wants only to take her in. This is the place of energetic reconciliation and restoration. Not because any work is done but because the underlying truth is revealed that could not be revealed in other conditions.

The understanding that emerges could not be accessed any other way. It is not an overlay of compassion. Compassion would be that much extra, just another layer to be removed. In the experience of the Erotic Room, we see our many selves in their natural habitat and everything is beautiful, powerful, potent, and meaningful in its home; a relief from the awkward, scared, and foreign qualities they appear to possess when placed in another context. The work is not to make ourselves into anything, but to put ourselves in a place where we can reveal the beauty we are.

Challenging Conditioning

This does not mean we should be pushovers with our conditioning. We have been trained to be kind with, and tolerant of, certain parts of ourselves when that merely gives sugar to our captor. What we call being compassionate may be holding pieces of our conditioning in place. It may tell us if we are just softer or more gentle with a conditioned spot in ourselves it will open. Eros has no patience for this when it is not what is called for. Eros says, "Get out your sword; be fierce and courageous."

We will be kind and generous once we have made it to the room. We won't be able to help ourselves. Kindness and generosity flow from this place. It is the sensation of an animal uncaged, able to do what it is on the planet to do.

Playful Connection

The calling to play comes forth in each of us inside of the room. We sense something arising in another and the perfect complement arising in ourselves. We experience the connection between, and revealed in that connection is the way things are, who we are, and our essence. We get to move and play in ways that weave in and out of the rhythm, to break from the sheet music of relationship as we know it and to discover who these aspects are and want to be with each other. All that we have kept down is here revealed as the yearning to prostrate before beauty.


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