We are responsible for ourselves at every level, starting with our body. This includes taking care of our physical body and attending to our emotional and mental well-being. From there, we look at the impact we have on those around us and we learn how to have that impact be intentional. This does not necessarily mean we need to be happy, cheerful, or nice. What matters is that we have congruency of self—our insides match our outsides, what we say and do matches what we think and feel. Congruency results in others feeling good in our presence.
We also take responsibility for how we show up in life, and for how our lives are unfolding. We cannot control the unfolding, but we can do the work to identify our desires, patterns, and habits and see where we self-sabotage, where we are gifted, and where we are challenged. We use this information to more skillfully drive the vehicle of our being in our lives.
We are responsible for our commitments and roles with others. We relate with other people directly and indirectly all day every day. We are all accountable to each other through various forms, what we all know as roles. We hold roles within our families, friendships, communities, and work environments that involve commitments, agreements we have made about how we will participate, what we will bring—all the ways people need us to show up in order for the interlocking forms of our lives to flow smoothly.
It is our responsibility to be aware of our role in the bigger picture. In the Erotic, the more we commit to and take on—even and especially if it is beyond what we think we can do—the more growth and power we generate.
We must exercise caution, however, when we attempt to take on responsibility for others' experience and actions. When we do this, we are likely to spend more power than we gain and end up drained, disappointed, and resentful as a result. Service to others, helping people, and showing up for people, can easily slip into rescuing and obsessing about what they are doing or not doing in their own lives. We end up wasting funds because we are trying to manage or control people and their choices well beyond our reach.
In the Erotic, we can take people on for periods of time where in many ways we are responsible for certain elements of their development. It is similar to a master craftsman taking on an apprentice, or a musician taking on a student to help them deepen their practice. It is best here to have prearranged containers and agreements in place for what is expected on both sides. Being an Erotic relationship is completely dynamic; it can be adjusted and negotiated as it unfolds over time.
