We've all experienced those nagging relationship doubts at one point or another. That subtle insecurity seeking proof of connection. A low-grade fear of abandonment. The irritation and emotional distance that creeps in. Relationship doubts are incredibly common, yet they act as a massive barrier to the deep, soulful intimacy we crave.
The path of true intimacy requires everything of us. It demands that we take responsibility for our inner world and show up fully, even in the unspoken and unexpressed realms of relating. Yet most of us respond to relationship doubts by withdrawing, blaming, or trying to "fix" things in ways that only breed more disconnection.
According to the wisdom of Eros, there are four main obstacles that fuel our relationship doubts and prevent us from showing up in full presence:
"Thirding" is putting the relationship itself first. Rather than getting caught up in "What do I need?" or "How can I make my partner happy?" thirding asks us to tune into what the relationship is asking of us. It invites us to cultivate a shared reality of generosity, vulnerability, and attunement to each other's needs. When we're thirding, we experience our partner's assets and strengths as an extension of our own.
In Eros, withholding and withdrawal are the root causes of disconnection and suffering in relationships. Every time we withhold our love, truth, vulnerability or gifts, we violate the natural law of giving and receiving. We act against our own spontaneous nature. While boundaries are essential, withholding creates to a pressure cooker of resentment that will inevitably boil over and scald the relationship. The antidote is to give ourselves over fully to the relationship and maintain connection, even when it feels messy and difficult.
Another obstacle is trying to avoid or escape the raw, vulnerable, human dimension of relating. We might try to escape through addictions, spiritual bypassing, or other means of numbing and distracting ourselves. But true intimacy can only blossom when we commit to showing up fully in the naked realm of human relating, however imperfect it is. Trying to avoid this robs us of the alchemical journey of being polished and transformed through relationship.
The final obstacle is the mind's tendency to constantly compare ourselves to others. In relationships, comparison shows up as a kind of aggressive sizing up of our partner to determine who is "winning" or who is "right." It's an ego defense that keeps us caught in separation and blocks our capacity to appreciate and cherish our lover exactly as they are. When we release comparison, we access an abundance where we delight in our partner's gifts as much as our own.
The antidote to relationship doubts is cultivating what Eros calls "connected solitude." This is a quality of presence where we rest in the spacious aliveness of our inner world while staying attuned and receptive to our partner. We anchor into our own truth while cherishing who they are, independent of how they make us feel.
In connected solitude, we carry our lover with us energetically, even when we're apart. Through our presence, we communicate through our presence that their essence is always welcome in our inner world. The relationship becomes a thriving third entity that has a life of its own beyond each individual.
From this ground of connection, we find the courage to bring all of ourselves to the relationship. We don't hold back our gifts or edit our self-expression. We make an unwavering commitment to showing up and doing whatever the relationship itself is asking of us, moment to moment. We treat the relationship as a living work of art.
Transforming relationship doubts into unshakable intimacy is some of the most challenging and rewarding work we can do as human beings. It requires shedding our defense mechanisms and opening to the naked vulnerability of truly being seen and met.
The path isn't about reaching a static destination of "perfect love," but committing to the daily practice of showing up and staying in connection. It asks us to face everything we've avoided within ourselves so we can offer our lover the gift of our full presence. The reward is a kind of ecstatic, alive intimacy beyond our wildest imaginings.
If you're ready to overcome your relationship doubts and open to this quality of bonded, loving presence, start by practicing these three things:
1) Take full ownership of your triggers and reactions. Get curious about your defenses with compassion.
2) Practice generosity of spirit. Look for ways to give freely to your partner without expectation or resentment.
3) Make your connection more important than being right. Commit to finding your way back to each other, no matter what arises between you.
As you practice these steps, you'll begin to taste the magic of true intimacy. Old doubts and fears melt away as you forge an unbreakable bond rooted in your deepest truth. You'll become artists in love, fluent in the secret language of the heart.
According to the wisdom of Eros, there are four main obstacles that block deep intimacy and breed relationship doubts:
Not "thirding" - failing to prioritize the relationship itself and what it needs.
Withholding and withdrawal - violating the natural flow of giving and receiving
Avoidance and escape - trying to bypass the raw, imperfect human dimension of relating.
Comparison - sizing up your partner to determine who is "winning" rather than cherishing them as they are.
To overcome doubts, it's essential to face these obstacles with awareness and commit to showing up fully.
The antidote to relationship doubts is cultivating "connected solitude" - anchoring into your own truth and spacious inner world while staying attuned and receptive to your partner. This looks like:
Taking full responsibility for your own triggers and reactions with compassionate curiosity.
Practicing generosity of spirit by giving freely to your partner without expectation.
Making your connection more important than being right and finding your way back to each other even through difficulties
Committing to this daily practice of showing up and navigating challenges together forges an unshakable bond over time.
True loyalty, rooted in Eros, means showing up wholeheartedly for a loved one you're connected to - not out of dependency or blind allegiance, but as a healing force.
An erotically empowered woman is loyal to the depths of her love itself. She syncs up with her partner, experiencing their difficulties as her own, and summons immense resources to elevate and support them. Her loyalty recognizes boundaries but is not limited by resentments or self-preservation.
This profound loyalty, with gratitude at its core, provides a foundation of nourishing stability that can weather doubts and difficulties in the relationship. It is a potent medicine for healing.