In the dynamism of the Erotic world, people change continuously, and so do boundaries, too. Boundaries are fluid, alive, changeable, and negotiable. They are not a static wall or line we keep forever in place.
Communication is a primary area where boundaries are played with and navigated between people, in terms of the tone, the words, if there is congruency, and what our intention is in how we communicate. We are at all times communicating how we feel, what we think, what we want, what we like and dislike. These are our boundaries. We are revealing to others what we want and how we want it with every word and movement, whether or not we or they consciously recognize it.
This is where congruency matters—we can accurately let others feel what is happening in us, or create dissonance by hiding it or sending mixed signals. In the Erotic, either way of playing with communication is acceptable. Flirting, for example, is purposely making an incongruent communication of innocence on top, desire underneath. There are many ways to play with communication. Intentionally making something incongruent still has an essential congruence at its core because it is intentional. We aim for congruency.
When we unconsciously communicate, miscommunicate, or withhold, it invites confusion and a dissonant response. We always take 100% responsibility for our experience, even the consequences of our unconscious communication. Staying aware of our impact is how we add more awareness and skill to our communication. We can observe what we are saying, doing, offering, and then choose how we want to play.
In the same way we navigate the material world with our eyes and ears, in the Erotic world we navigate using our felt sense, which is the native language in which boundaries operate. We must be able to feel in order to know what's happening. Otherwise, we will eventually defer to our rational mind, which will begin making assumptions and relying on rules and systems of control to govern our behavior. The felt sense is what we can really trust. When we are speaking with others, their words may not line up with the feelings they are communicating. We must develop our felt sense so we can always rely on it first and foremost to show us what is true when navigating boundaries.
Boundaries will only truly reveal themselves in connection. Until we are connected and paying attention, we are working merely from theory. It's in the underlying world of connection that we move from mere ideas of boundaries into the body's felt sense reality, where boundaries and conditions are continuously in flux.
In Erotic boundaries, consequences are a natural outcome of our interactions with others, not punishment. Because Erotic adults can explore any realm, any area, any belief, or form of conditioning, no choice or consequence is ever wrong or bad. However, all choices we make have consequences. The state of our lives and relationships naturally and precisely reflect these consequences.
We can choose to withhold a truth from someone we are close to, or tell a lie, and even if they never know, we will feel less intimacy with them. Withholding has created a barrier and confused the natural boundaries between us and them, like a scrambled radio signal. This is not a punishment; it is a naturally occurring consequence. There is math to it, whether we know what it is or agree with it. We get the results with no middleman or parental punishment involved.
