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Blog Post

Intimacy with Fear

Published July, 2024

Introduction to Fear

Fear befriended is desire; not the outgrowths of fear, but the force of fear itself. When we can know the texture, movement, and contours of fear, we discover a deep, cool, dark refuge. What we call fear is not actually fear, it is a force beating against a door that is refusing admittance. Anxiety and panic, the trembling sensation, this is the beating. It is counter-instinctual to open here, to open wider than the force is demanding. Our biology has trained us to avoid threats. So, we tend to block entrance to this aspect of self that knows only how to fix, fight, and blame.

Responses to Fear

It may try to fix by scrambling to find solutions, adding a protective valence of denial, seeking external comfort and soothing, or even praying. It may try to fight through rationalization, justification, or throwing force onto another in anger. It may try to blame through the vehicle of resentment that says to life and all the aspects of such: “I would be happy if only it weren’t for you.” In this way, our identities separate from our Erotic mind. The process is always the surface interacting with the surface, never making it to the private den of intimacy.

Fear as Guardian

For in that place, fear, stripped of all the masks it wears to bring us to ourselves, reveals itself to be our most fierce and loyal guardian, refusing to allow us to stray too far from ourselves, and even bringing our life circumstances to a climax if need be. Fear communicates with fidelity to anything that threatens the solitude that lies within, even willing to go to war against our preferences and habits to grab us and bring us down to the truth that is freedom.

Embracing Emotions

It is often the case that we fear our most faithful servants, and nowhere is this more true than with the way we react to fear. We meet our emotions with a passive attention, fearing our fear, getting angry at our anger, and feeling sad about our sadness. When we can meet them with the active attention that would truly, enthusiastically, and lovingly welcome and draw the emotions in, we learn that any and all things welcomed return the favor by offering the essential gift only they can offer.

Fear to Desire

Rather than get absorbed into fear and identifying with it—being at the mercy of it—we recognize that like everything else, it is here to love us. Fear, converted into desire, will pull you into the next place. When there is fear about a present-time situation, it is signifying to let go of fixation, so it can reveal the underlying desire. This occurs if we have the yes to let ourselves be moved by it and see. These fears can enter at the level of a whisper, and if we listen and let them move us, the desire underneath will be revealed. We may require heavier pressure to hear them though, to be moved beyond our conditioned habits—those patterns or behaviors we say we don’t want to do but keep doing anyway.

Related Experiences
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Buy The Book Here ( In our efforts to align and be moved by this dynamic side of the profound, fears may naturally arise. Fear is always borne of the unknown and desire always draws us toward it. The two can have a tumultuo...

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