If someone doesn't understand or follow through on a communication from us, it means we have delivered it in such a way that it could not be received. As the communicator, it is our responsibility to make sure we are understood. If we aren't, we need to examine why. We start by pulling back and looking for any agenda we have inserted into the communication—even a small demand, like that of being understood regardless of how we communicate.
Next, we look at whether or not the communication is aligned with the intention. We see if there is something we are trying to communicate under the radar that is possibly sensed by the person, but which we are not addressing overtly.
Next, we examine if the intention, words, and delivery match. We consider the tonality, the intensity, and the range of expression. When these nonverbal components fail to match, the whole communication will not land.
We then look at whether or not we are speaking above or below a person's level of hearing. This happens when we are unwilling to fully massage what we are trying to say to match what they are able to hear, or when we do not admit that the person we are speaking to is of an equal status to us.
Next, we look inside to determine if we are conflicted about the communication. If there is internal subterfuge, the communication is sent out as a mixed message, which results in a lack of understanding on the part of the receiver.
Finally, we must be mindful whether our communication is being sent with any resentment, which is often marked by purr or snarl words. These are words that carry a charge, either positive or negative, that will have the receiver respond to the feeling-tone of the word, rather than the message, or tune the message out entirely.
Going through this checklist of an unreceived communication will point to the precise areas where we can clean the communication up. Clean communication can always be received, provided it is being delivered within the receiving capacity of the listener.
