True affection is an act of opening ourselves to another. It requires moving beyond performative gestures into a space of genuine attention, curiosity and care. When we learn to love someone on the unique terms their soul sets, we liberate the ability to experience profound connection.
In this article, we'll explore how to cultivate the art of affection by understanding the nature of love, offering targeted attention, and making subtle shifts in relating that open new depths of intimacy. By learning to be more affectionate in an openhanded way, without expectation, we access the transformative power of Eros.
Affection begins with perception. Instead of relating to our idea of someone, we aim to see them in their entirety. This means taking into account their quirks, blind spots and the locked rooms of their soul. Rather than ignoring these aspects or trying to change them, we make it our vocation to learn and love the whole person.
When we drop our agendas and appreciate someone for exactly who they are, a space of acceptance emerges. In this field of permission, intimacy can blossom. Walls soften, guards come down, and we touch an authentic connection beneath the surface of personas and projections.
One of the most potent forms of affection is to give someone our full, undivided attention. Not a generic, one-size-fits-all attention, but a laser-focused presence tailored to their specific soul-signature.
Tune into the precise frequency of their being
Notice the subtle cues and unspoken languages
Learn their particular love-language
Give them an experience of being deeply seen
When we direct our attention in this targeted way, the other person feels met in a profound sense. They relax into being held in awareness, seen from the inside out. This type of skillful attention is a powerful transmission of love.
To access a higher octave of affection, we must relinquish the tendency to love with an agenda. So much of what passes for love is actually a covert form of control - giving to get, or loving someone on our terms vs. honoring their soul-conditions.
Real affection is rooted in an impersonal love that loves through people to Eros itself. It frees us from the pressure to extract validation or have our expectations met. From this openhanded stance, we can enjoy someone without needing them to be any certain way.
When affection is uncoupled from conditionality, it becomes an endless resource, accessible everywhere. We experience the levity and luminosity of consciousness, able to love beyond the constrictions of personality.
Perhaps the most profound crucible for cultivating affection is in our intimate connections. To "make love" in an awakened sense is to transform sex into a full-spectrum communion.
It begins by shifting out of mental machinations and tuning into the body's wisdom. Connecting with the sensations, impulses and subtle currents that want to flow between two beings. Allowing ourselves to be played like an instrument by the greater intelligence of intimacy.
As we surrender into a dance of mutual unfolding, deep gifts are conferred. The undigested material of our lives is alchemized in the heat of contact. Defenses melt, boundaries thin, and we touch the place where separateness dissolves into union.
In this merge, a rare form of beauty is birthed - one that reveals and heals simultaneously. We midwife each other into the world anew, celebrated and cherished in our totality. This is the ultimate flowering of affection.
Learning how to be more affectionate is a lifelong art that calls us to the edge of vulnerability again and again. May we find the courage to keep stepping into the transformational fires of intimacy, knowing that what we seek is seeking us. In opening ourselves to the mystery of human connection, we come alive to the Eros always inviting us deeper.
The key is to love someone on the unique terms their soul sets. Take time to learn about your partner's quirks, blind spots, and the locked rooms of their soul. Rather than ignoring these aspects or trying to change them, make it your mission to love and appreciate the whole person. When you relate to who they truly are instead of your idea of them, you create a space of acceptance where walls soften and authentic intimacy can blossom.
Give your partner your full, undivided attention in a laser-focused way that is tailored to their specific soul-signature. Tune into their subtle cues, unspoken languages, and particular love language. Aim to give them an experience of being deeply seen and met in a profound sense. When you hold them in this type of skillful, targeted awareness, it is a potent transmission of love that allows them to relax into being truly witnessed.
Practice loving your partner without an agenda or conditions. So much of what passes for love is actually a covert attempt to control - giving to get something in return or loving someone only if they meet your expectations. Real affection comes from an open-handed love that loves through people to Eros itself. When you uncouple affection from conditionality, you liberate yourself from the pressure to extract validation. You can then savor and cherish your partner without needing them to be any certain way. This unconditional stance allows affection to flow freely.
