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Blog Post

Holding Out and Hesitation Have a Cost

Published July, 2024

Tumescent Mind's Illusion

The tumescent mind wants to believe itself central to all things, and maintains control by its capacity to hold out—to not move or be moved. As a result, for a period of time, it forces life to flow around it. This is perceived as power, and, in the static world of appearances, it is. The tumescent mind takes a wait-and-see rather than a drop-in-and-know attitude.

Erotic Mind's Engagement

The Erotic mind is not interested in manipulating reality. Its nature is to descend to the level where reality is happening and respond. It does not take people hostage while it makes decisions, attempting to ensure all of its preferences are met, and that it can maintain the appearance of looking good.

Facing Uncomfortable Questions

We like to put off facing uncomfortable questions rather than turning toward and penetrating them. We can feel violated by their arrival in our lives when we become passive. They offend us with their constant background tugging. However, we have the option of engaging with them and saying yes to them so fully and with such enthusiasm and verve that not only do they back down but they give up their power to us. We do not need to attack questions when we can seduce them instead.

Information Through Body

But we also do not need to act in haste without proper information— the information we can only access through the body. And for the most part, this is the pendulum of the tumescent mind: anxious figuring that swings to panicked, uncalibrated, and unsure action driven by fear rather than wisdom.

Cycle of Inaction

This confirms that action is dangerous so we resort to the anxious figuring until we are forced to act, and then we move in a rushed and ill-informed way. We could, however, drop down to the eternal place where all information is located and operate from there.

The Fear of Not-Knowing

It can be so scary though, that moment of not-knowing as we make our descent. The last thing we want to do is stop the activity of figuring it out. Figuring it out is just a cover for what we do when we do not drop down.

The Illusion of Figuring Out

No one has ever figured anything out from figuring something out. The tumescent mind thrives on hope that in time things will be different from how they are. Or it tries to speed ahead of time and make things different from the way they are now.

Being in Eternal Time

The Erotic mind wants to be in eternal time with things as they are and to be part of moving that forward. It can be humbling to the tumescent mind that does not want to be only “part of ”; a mere cog that wants to shine above when it thinks it knows, and hide out and wait with great hesitation when it does not.

Tumescent Mind's Analysis

The tumescent mind is forever gauging, thinking, planning, analyzing. It must know what it cannot know before taking action. What would take one second of dropping into the body can take years of assessment in the tumescent world.

Erotic Mind's Process

We are either operating in order to prevent an outcome, or acting in an acquisitive way in order to generate one. The Erotic mind is operating to be with the process where the outcome has already been determined. From the Erotic mind, it is easy to see that time as we know it moves—in essence—backward.

Living Preexisting Reality

We already know; the fun is living it out. We already know what we are going to do. There is no doubt down there. The question is how much self is in between us and this knowing? To the extent that there is self, there is a lag filled with doubt and consideration, weighing and hesitation. For the most part, we are living into a preexisting reality.

Influence and Participation

This can rub the tumescent mind the wrong way. It does not want to recognize that life goes on with or without our participation. It does not want to admit that while we may present a temporary impediment if we act out of accord with the way things are, the only way to have influence is to add our power to the way of things.

Right to Hesitate

We have the right to hesitate. We have the right to ask life and others to wait for us. We have the right to hold out and step out of the flow of things. This is our right. And life will continue along as it was with or without us when we could have moved with it and discovered the brilliance that can only be revealed when we are plugged into this moment.

Acknowledging Decisions

The truth is never what decision we will make, but rather: will we admit the decision that was made already?

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