Because we have a prejudice against down, we tend not to honor the fact that our bodies and minds need to come down, and that a primary route is through deliberate, conscious, heavy pressure. We observe this in life, where if we do not consciously find time to let go and release the corset of our ideas about who we are and who we should be, we will unconsciously create experiences that will apply the heavy pressure needed for us to release them. We may get ill from overwork, or fired from a job we checked out on instead of quitting when we knew we wanted to. But instead of facing the discomfort of loss or change, we grip to what we know. Our fear of heavy pressure makes us unable to penetrate tumescence or delusion; we have thus become a world of hypersensitive people, demanding only the lightest touch. As a result, our bodies and minds lack resilience. We experience a preciousness that demands more preciousness.
There comes to be an extremist’s version not only of the care required to not upset tumescence, but also of legislating against any natural form of the expression of pressure. The result: we are taken hostage by tumescence, experiencing everything from oversensitivity to over-emotionality and hysteria as we remove access to Eros, our only defense against tumescence. When tumescence rules the roost without the option of heavy pressure, our consciousness grows brittle and legalistic. We accept fewer and fewer outlets for spontaneous expression. We don’t develop the resilience that could absorb and even enjoy any behavior. We fail to realize we have become merely a host doing the bidding of tumescence, which demands control. A natural connection that would dissolve tumescence is all but impossible. Tumescence creates teacup people who shatter easily.
The pressure of control is so great that everything hurts. The concept of deliberate, heavy pressure—which would relax constricted nerve endings—is nonexistent. Instead, the idea of pressure is conflated with that of threat or violation. Because we dismiss the need to come down, we don’t consciously learn how to do the stroke that will bring us down. Heavy pressure then either becomes unconscious—a pressure that is hard and fast and lacking attention—or it is delivered with a meanness—a pressure with a punitive quality to counteract the irritation of being on the receiving end of oversensitivity. In this case, rather than decreasing tumescence, heavy pressure compounds it.
Applying heavy pressure well is an art few know. It requires, first and foremost, a strength and steadiness of attention that is rooted in a fundamental “rightness”: we know the strokee is locked inside a cage with a bear wrapped around her, and we want to get the bear off without harming our friend. We cannot let an ounce of fear in, as our friend might think we’re after them and add to the difficulty. We want to stun the tumescence because what it lives on is the fear of its host. In the places where we are likely to add unconscious pressure, even more attention is required. We want to apply a steady attention as if we are wielding a sword; we want a swiftness in the cut and we need to be aware of where we are aiming. We want to remember we are doing this as a means of cutting away the tumescence that surrounds our friend in order to free her for greater connection.
It’s important to depersonalize the tumescence, remembering it has our friend in its clutches and that it—tumescence—is the offending quality, not our friend. With deliberate, focused, firm attention, tumescence can be converted and made into an ally. Effective heavy pressure is never given to hurt our friend, to make a point, or to feel our own impact. It is given because it is what is being called for in direct proportion to the level of tumescence that has built up, and it will either destroy connection or be a force that builds it. Many strokees ask for lighter pressure. Or they ask for heavy pressure—but only to climax. What their bodies often want is a steady, deeply conscious pressure that is without an agenda and without anger.
Like in a massage, this kind of pressure opens the muscles and relaxes the mind. If a strokee trembles or shakes in an OM, it’s the result of tumescence releasing from the musculature. Don’t be frightened; this is good. If the trembling and shaking becomes writhing and performance, lighten the pressure. Heavy pressure must be goalless. The feeling of cutting through tumescence is like a great exhale. We will notice a clarity of mind and of sensation. An OM does not truly begin until tumescence is breached, because otherwise we are only stroking the tumescence. In that case, nothing actually reaches our essence, where contact ignites Eros.
