While some use OM to add comfort to their already tumesced state, others choose the almost certainly uncomfortable experience of entering the Erotic body. These are entirely different orders of experience. In an OM, the amount of speed we employ will determine whether or not we are able to penetrate tumescence and enter the Erotic body. We must be clear with our partner on what type of OM we are looking to have, as the instructions around the usage of speed are quite different based on the intention.
It is wise and practical for OM partners to share their intentions for their practice before beginning the OM and to get explicit permission if the intention and desire is to penetrate the tumescence, even with potential discomfort.
The truth about speed is that, without a fast stroke, there is minimal chance of breaking through the wall of tumescence most women live inside. The strokee's tumescence acts as a kind of brake. Having taken on a life of its own, the tumescence may throw up an automated protest by withholding, withdrawing, or venting aggression.
Using speed is paradoxical. Some strokers want to stroke fast but without consciousness. Because the role of the stroker inherently involves agency, these kinds of strokes support the stroker's form of tumescence where the drive to produce overpowers their ability to stay connected to what they are feeling. Some strokees want slow and conscious strokes, which support their form of tumescence.
A stroke that is both fast and conscious will challenge the stroker and the strokee in perfectly complementary ways.
To the extent that a woman is locked behind tumescence, the complementary energetic pole in her stroker will want to go harder and faster. She literally draws this urge from the other person. The challenge is that speed and pressure can only be done well with consciousness, but we tend to go unconscious as they increase. For this reason, the speed required to get through the tumescent sound barrier of an OM is rarely achieved.
Behind the scenes, while there is an under-the-radar call for a certain speed and pressure coming from the strokee, commonly there is also a hypervigilance around safety. The strokee has locked down her system because she feels fundamentally unsafe in life, and the power she would need to feel resilient and safe cannot flow without the speed that will bypass her vigilance: a double bind.
A few options exist. The strokee can commit to speed prior to the OM. The stroker can then use speed as a tool. However, the stroker must employ precise attention on every stroke. Like takeoff with an airplane, it's that much more important to pay attention. Planes crash more frequently during takeoff or landing.
More importantly, the stroker and strokee must together commit to the speed. This is the difference between a smooth takeoff and crashing into a wall. If she gave her stroker permission to use speed before starting the OM, the strokee will feel she can let go into the speed as it takes her where she could not take herself—through the gates of her tumescence.
Life will have called her to speed up many times and each time she will have slammed on the brakes in protest. But avoidance can only delay this inevitable encounter. She will be sitting on a brimming powder keg of backed-up protest that will need to be exhausted. If she decides to explore speed all the way, she will be breaking through all of her fears and built-up resentments—all the places she was unwilling to meet life on its terms. These are what she is locked behind.
Just as she can sense when her stroker is unconsciously employing speed, if she senses the stroker is hesitant or fearful, they will be implicitly communicating there is reason to be afraid. We cannot ignore this level of communication in an OM. In fact, it is at this level that most communication happens.
She is sinking into her power, her deepest knowing that the world is safe as she breaks through a tumescent trance. If she senses any fear in her stroker, her body will reactively respond as though there is cause for alarm.
How, then, do we maintain consciousness while increasing speed as a stroker? The same way we do everything in OM: we focus all of our attention on the point of connection between the clitoris and the finger. First, we drop our attention down to our pelvic floor, let our attention anchor there, then let it flow up through our body, out through the center of our stroking arm, and out of our finger.
We create a circuit, grounded in our body so we don't "take off" along with the stroke. If we hold our primary attention anywhere other than our pelvic floor, our attention will be uprooted.
Next, we allow our attention to connect to the clitoris. We will feel a pull and allow our finger to move with it. If we are plugged into our own center and the connection, we will feel our finger lock on, seeming to beg to move of its own accord, as though we have an automatic twitch in our finger. We keep our focus here without hardening our attention.
There may be all manner of expression coming from the strokee—trembling or tears or even screams. The key is to keep our focus on the point of connection. We do not want to leave her midway; if we do, she may lock up further. Instead, these bodily and vocal expressions are the call to increase the speed of the stroke.
There is a promise in OM: because tumescence will always try to preserve itself, provided we have an agreement with our partner to use speed, we can always debrief the OM afterward to hear what worked for each partner. Things often look different on the other side of the sound barrier. Eros will convert the tumescence. It's important to remember OM's promise. Although we will likely want to stop or slow down, to stop or slow down is detrimental here. Her system will lock that much more, and the momentum we have gained will now go into the lock.
