When we are in need, we receive without shame, pride, or demand because we know any resources given to us are given to the whole. As soon as we are back on level ground, we go back to the process of putting every effort into contributing to the whole. The energy that would be spent on keeping track of what is ours is instead spent creating.
Entering a family can sometimes be a difficult time because initially, we have nothing to offer. This is humbling. At this point, what we can offer is our willingness. We are willing to learn how to be a contributor, to heal what needs to be healed with the understanding that we will then empty back into the collective to fill others, offering equally whether they as individuals contributed to our fullness or not.
The ultimate purpose of family is to invite more in who want to create, and create overflow for community and recipients. It is a generative nucleus, a self-supporting endeavor that takes care of the family so they may then be able to take care of others. The aim of family is to create a system that can offer resources to the world without needing to receive from the world.
Next is community. Community receives overflow from family. Community operates in a fairly neutral way with minimal requirements to receive—essentially, that the recipient does not cause damage. Family can then determine the allocation of overflow resources and contribute to community in a manner that resonates. Within community may be other family systems that may need assistance to carry out their efforts, and the overflow may be spent in this way. There may be agreements between families to share resources in emergency situations that require more than one has.
Community members are all self-selected, participating on a voluntary basis, and can leave at any time. Self-selection is based on one's capacity for reception. Community is not required to pay this back. The desire to "pay back" would move us to be considered for family status. Payback is the agreement to generate collective resources to be used to take care of those who generate, as well as to build overflow.
Finally, there is the recipient. Of the three, the recipient is the person or group who has caused overt damage. Those who cause damage actually hold the greatest potential to benefit the whole, if they are provided the necessary care.
The kind of care necessary for this transformation is not top-down care in the form of charity but deliberately waking up the deeper desire in each individual to live in a state of interdependence and contribution. Putting the theory into practice reveals the gift the recipient may provide.
Giving to someone without any expectation of reciprocation requires we offer freely from a depth of wisdom that occurs below the conditions and accounting that personality would place on it. In this way, the recipient helps draw us into our essence. We are asked to bring healing to those who have caused harm, not out of being good, but because it is practical. It is the only way to bring repair.
We must be secure in our perfection so that when true desire is activated, it evolves harmful behaviors into beneficial ones. We do not, how- ever, need to like the recipient. In fact, we don't need to force ourselves to feel any particular way about them. It's wise to remain as neutral and as much within our boundaries as possible to ensure we don't become activated in any way so we can continue to offer resources from an objective position.
The resources should be aimed at nurturing the deeper desire, targeting what is needed for them to wake up rather than merely comfort themselves. All is resolved when another wakes up because they stop causing harm.
This is the only amends there is because it's made with their life. The only thing Eros desires is for all of us to become a channel of Eros. Only total reparation will repair the hurt, and that cannot be experienced in vengeance or punishment. The only way for us to be free of the resentment that would eat us is to allow Eros to flow through us. As it flows to the place of greatest need, it will likely flow to those we would call our enemy, the recipients of our care. Eros will wash out the hurt in a way a person never could.
The truth is, these people will likely never make it to community or family by our sole at of providing resources, but the reconciling of resources is between us and Eros, not us and that person. Eros sets us free of hurt and ill will with only the slim possibility the person will be touched and plugged into the healing force of Eros. Whether or not that happens, we do our best to offer comfort, providing opportunity to connect with Eros.
Once the pain has washed through, signifying the cycle is complete, we are free for the warmth of Eros to radiate out. The purpose isn't to become an apologist, which actually causes harm. Neither is it to listen to the excuses for causing harm. Nor do we try to be liked. All these actions feed the harm.
This is a tight line to draw, so that people have to sit with the weight of their choices. We don't try to make them feel better, and neither do we lift any of the weight off them. At the same time, we open to them. We don't lock that door out of any kind of righteousness. If we are inside, it is our obligation to leave the door open for anyone and to do what we can to have them enter, but not to go outside the door and cater to them in any way.
This is not a process to minimize harmful behavior. This is a process to address the root cause in the only way that heals it, not for them but for us and the whole. If punishment worked, punishment would be employed, including cutting off and isolating; it's just that it hasn't worked.
Of course, it burns that hurtful people could have equal access. This is where we must remember that we, too, were forgiven in order to be granted entry. It's not us who does the forgiving—that is between the recipient and Eros—but we cannot block them from access to it.
We work with the force that naturally abets and brings all to release what is not them in order that the deeper truth may operate through them. Ultimately, for our own sanity, to not have any poison in our own system, this is how we stay free.
We offer kindness, including fierce, honest kindness. We employ kind- ness because this is what the other calls forth from the Eros within us. We are kind because Eros finds affinity or we are kind because Eros finds need. When we operate in this way, we operate in alignment with nature, where we conserve so that everything is put to use. Kindness is preventative medicine.
Kindness translates to unwavering attention. Only kindness can convert or remove a nuisance from our environment. Due to our attention, such a person will have enough power that they are now able to plug into Eros, or they will be so uncomfortable under the searchlight of our attention, they will exit. The key is to never look away.
Family is where we cultivate safety, love, and power. Community is where we release overflow. Recipients are the equivalent of a high-altitude practice in developing unconditionality under duress. To have animosity is a total waste of energy and to just ignore is a wasted opportunity. Welcome the recipient as a chance to practice what could not be practiced in any other way.
