In our tumultuous world, emotions can sometimes feel overwhelming. To cope, some people, shut down emotionally, choosing what feels like safety but ends up being isolation. While this may provide a sense of control, it comes at a great cost. This condition, known as emotional anorexia, deprives us of the depth, complexity and vibrancy that emotions bring to life. Let’s take a closer look at emotional anorexia, how it shows up, and how we can rediscover the beauty of our emotional selves.
Emotional anorexia is characterized by a disconnection from one's emotional body. Just as physical anorexia involves starving the physical body, emotional anorexia involves starving the emotional self. People who struggle with this often confuse emotional constriction with stability or strength.
In reality, this lockdown puts the free-flowing of emotions, the very newness of them, on hold. Emotions move through in a rapid-fire, shallow way without the weight and gravitas that connection to emotional depths provides. As a results, responses can be delayed, exaggerated or unmoored from the reality of the situation.
People living in emotional anorexia pay a high price for their perceived protection. By constructing a wall to shield themselves, they inadvertently block others from touching them, reaching them, connecting with them. Over time, relationships wither as others stop trying to connect.
The emotional anorexic remains unaware of the wall they've constructed, surprised when people leave. This leaving only reinforces their belief that they need protection, perpetuating the cycle. Tragically, the protection they cling to is the very thing they need protection from. Living in this emotional deep freeze compounds pain, whereas living and breathing hurt, while difficult, ultimately passes and allows for growth.
The antidote to emotional anorexia is found in the erotic. A woman who is erotically powered remains deeply connected to her emotions. She has the power to stay open, to feel it all, even in the face of difficulty. Her emotions run deep, transforming single notes of expression into chords of complexity.
This openness allows her to truly receive others, drawing their essence into her core in a way that transforms her for life. She cannot disconnect or expunge another due to their poor behavior. She feels the joy, the pain, and everything in between, remaining grounded in her emotional body. It’s this resilience—the ability to stay open despite life’s storms—that makes her emotionally vibrant.
If you recognize signs of emotional anorexia in yourself, know that you can recover your emotional vibrancy. Start by acknowledging the ways in which you've closed yourself off. Pay attention to the moments when you’re tempted to retreat behind your emotional walls. Instead, make a conscious choice to stay open.
Begin by feeling your emotions physically. Where do you sense them in your body? What sensations arise? Breathe into those sensations and allow them to exist without judgment. Practice sitting with your emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, and let them flow through you.
Share your emotional world with others. Take the risk of being seen in all your emotional complexity. True strength lies not in never getting hurt but in the power to feel the hurt and remain open anyway. As you recover your emotional body, life will take on new depths of richness. Embrace the full spectrum of emotional life, and watch your world expand in beautiful ways.
Emotional anorexia is a condition characterized by a disconnection from one's emotional self. Similar to how physical anorexia involves starving the physical body, emotional anorexia involves starving the emotional body. People with emotional anorexia often lock down their emotions, mistaking this constricted state for stability and strength. They may experience a sense of dullness, fatigue, burnout, craving, depression, hatred, anxiety, or even physical illness as their body escalates its communication to get their attention.
Living with emotional anorexia comes at a great cost. By constructing a wall to protect themselves, people with emotional anorexia inadvertently block others from connecting with them on a deep level. Relationships wither as others stop trying to make emotional contact. The emotional anorexic remains unaware of the wall they've built, perpetuating the cycle of disconnection. They miss out on the depth, complexity and vibrancy that emotions bring to life. Tragically, the very protection they cling to is what they need protection from.
Recovery starts with acknowledging the ways in which one has closed themselves off emotionally. When tempted to retreat behind the protective wall, consciously choose to stay open instead. Practice feeling emotions in the body—notice the physical sensations that arise and breathe into them, allowing them to be fully felt. Seek out experiences and relationships that encourage emotional openness. Take the risk of being fully seen in all your emotional complexity. True strength isn’t about avoiding pain—it’s about feeling it, learning from it, and remaining open anyway.