The construct of marriage is often one of the most challenging to confront because from its inception, it was built to make a woman into property. This idea can be played with but is a very difficult form to inject counter-meaning into, without both parties simply falling into the strongly preconstructed prescriptions.
While not necessarily mutually exclusive to liberation, making a person into property or choosing to be property can make it more challenging. As it currently stands, marriage is an exchange of freedom for security and non-marriage is an exchange of security for freedom.
This is how it often goes: When a woman wants to exit the responsibility and difficulty of coming into and owning her own power, she will hook a partner to be her sentinel so she no longer has to remain fully conscious. She will do this in a variety of ways—all of which will be an exaggeration of herself as a broken-winged bird that needs rescuing, or a great caretaker, or a sexual being. This is the feminine's form of peacocking. It can be any combination of the three.
She is looking for a sentinel to look out so she can go back inside and not face the exposure of having to live in her power. She agrees to feed him, provided he protects or serves as the lookout for both of them.
The masculine's version is that he feeds off her but must in some sense do her bidding. He may look like the dominant boss or the new age nice guy, depending on her preference, but ultimately, he is going unconscious, not having to find his deeper personal truth, and living in reaction to her.
Happy when she feeds him power and not happy when she doesn't. He basically just follows instructions (or doesn't) but does not do the work to develop his own view and insight.
She is angry that he drinks her power. He is angry that he just does what he's told. They don't realize they are both angry they have become less in order to parasite off the other to avoid developing their own inner counterpoint.
The primary and offending attitude is possessive, as in my spouse. It reifies a person into an object and begins to concretize patterns. If there is a my, there is also a not my so there is a perpetual threat of not aligning with the prescribed behaviors, which would end the process.
True love self-destructs all the concepts in its path. It refuses ownership with the recognition that ownership is a contraction of the finite. True love is the determination that we will liberate another not just in spite of but because the desire to grasp is so great. When we do this, we liberate both in the process.
Climax is an attempt to end the level of sensation you are feeling. Climax consciousness is the same. Each domain of life has a climax version. In love, it is marriage.
The way out of habitual grasping is to spend the time and energy to develop the counterpoint, which may require a period of abstinence from trying to get it from other people. To be a man who's willing to develop intuition and to be a woman willing to stay in her power. And for neither to use the other to hide inside of.
