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Blog Post

Breaking Our Rules

Published June, 2024

OM's Objective

The object of Orgasmic Meditation (OM) is the realization of the Erotic self, the self that arises from the ground of being in its totality, so that it may carry out the specific and unique calling within. This Erotic self exists in direct opposition to the rational aim of operating in accord with a standard, externalized set of ideas we experience as inner prohibitions, or rules. With Eros, it is vital to know the rules of realization so we can break them in a beneficial way; if we are to realize in our totality, then break them we must. The skill lies in our capacity to break the rules within a deeper understanding of how to do so as an articulation of our unique expression, and in a way that benefits those around us. Mere breaking or following the rules is considered sloth in OM because while mere rule-following creates rigidity, mere rule-breaking creates disconnection. We always aim for flexible connection- connection that abides by Erotic principles. For many people, the first rule we break is the rule to always follow rules.

Rule Breaking

For others, following the deeper code of Eros involves breaking the rules governing interdependence and connection. Those who have leaned heavily on independence or autonomy will find themselves rendered useless when collaboration is required. In OM, we are playing with differentiation and integration. Differentiation implies a movement toward what makes each of us distinct and separate. Integration explores this differentiation within the context of connection with others. When we’re able to bridge these two poles, we become a more complex human being, with the skill that enables us to access not only the known parts of the self but also the Mystery that lies within.

Charged Barriers

Around every interior prohibition lies a charged barrier- charged in the sense that we hold a strong positively or negatively charged belief along with the prohibition. In OM, the way we expand our sensation of space, freedom, and aliveness is that we directly aim our attention at these barriers, detonating the charge that surrounds them. The barrier protecting the idea may go up in flames, and the energy released becomes available to us as raw power. As the barrier comes down, it liberates the idea it protected, creating space for further internal movement.

Rule Dynamics

Our range of expression (where we can and cannot connect, what we allow ourselves to perceive or admit about ourselves and others, and our capacity to be intimate with the whole of reality) is determined by arbitrarily defined rules we have for ourselves and how rigid they are. The person with the fewest rules has the greatest capacity for love and insight. Rules are upheld by judgment, and the judging mind is not permitted to see into the heart of things. Nothing that feels judged will reveal its essence, so while our rules may keep us feeling safe, it will be at the cost of removing us from the truth of reality. Though reality may seem to conform to our judgments, in the end we will always be betrayed- it is within all things where the perfect power of Eros is found.

Eros and Rules

An Erotic axiom: where an essence remains concealed, a rule is revealed. OM brings our rules to the surface so that we may examine them. Whenever we are judgmental, irritated, or withdrawn, one of our rules is being violated. Note that it is not us, the individual, who is being violated; it is our rule that is being violated. When the world, in the form of our stroker or strokee, is refusing to conform to our internal rules, we have two options: we can break open the rule and receive the power the rule contains, or we can avoid it and lose an opportunity to realize. 

Personal Rules

We may have a rule about the speed, the pressure, or the attention of our partner. We may have a rule about the spot, or the way our partner should smell or not smell, look or not look. We may have a rule about the form the connection between us and our partner should take. We may have a rule about the sounds in the room or the sounds emanating from our partner. We may have a rule that they are supposed to compliment us, or not look at us. We may have a rule that says the felt experience of OM is supposed to be a particular flavor like deep and beautiful or gruff and earthy.

Uniqueness and Resilience

We are each an interconnected being with a unique expression, so any interior rule we break only breaks us open to a new facet of ourselves. Sooner or later, every rule we have will be brought to light in order to be dissolved by Eros (should we seize the opportunity), until at last we encounter the aspects of ourselves that cannot be dissolved. The Erotic self is indestructible. Our experiences of OM and life are constantly informing each other through the lessons we learn in both. The moment we break a rule and receive more pressure than we would have asked for, we learn we are resilient. When we break a rule that the speed must be slow, we learn we have a capacity for flow. Likewise, the moment we break a rule around our partner having to pay attention, we learn that we ourselves can maintain the connection even when the other falters. We see the deeper truth that our rules, which we thought defined who we are, in fact limit how we see ourselves and what we are able to do.


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