Eros has the power to both back and guide anger; it is not a foreign energy that must be legislated. It is part of the true expression of our nature. Anger, rage, wrath, aversion, and hatred are welcome blasts of power that allow the primal ground of being to be expressed in our involuntary system. When we don't tone down, deny, sublimate, cover, or transmute anger, we are making one of the more honest communications we can make to ourselves and others. Virtually every spiritual tradition is obsessed with its management, whereas Eros speaks to its power.
The honest expression of anger is very different from the expression of the backlog of anger after a lifetime of having suppressed it. When we confuse these and think the backlog is honest, we suppress anger more.
A man who does not have access to his anger is a scared, feeble, impotent nice guy or a narcissistic, insensitive maniac, as the suppression of anger requires the entirety of one's attention. People-pleasing and self-pleasing are both poor attempts at drawing external energy to maintain a system that costs everything to maintain the suppression.
It is the difference between building systems that respect the chaos of nature but not having to "support" those systems by constantly reinforcing or trying to force nature to conform to our preferences.
To build a life that can afford the expression of the truth of hatred and anger that lies in each of us, rather than always and ever trying to corral it into our spiritual ideals, is to build a life of potency and intimacy. We would not need to separate ourselves from life for fear it may activate our nature. Life would unleash these forces to be used for creative endeavors.
The fear is always that there will be violence and transgression, with- out acknowledgment that there is already an abundance of violence and transgression. Creating insensitive beings, cut off from themselves, with powder kegs down below, does not seem to be the most effective method. Remember, nature rewards conservation. Violence for the most part is a waste of energy. What is a natural use of energy is plugging that anger and hatred into creativity, to move the world from the sunlight of desire.
Most importantly, when we own our anger, we are not self-hating. There is a notion that anger is poison and must be kept inside. But that poison takes over whole systems, and self-hating people hurt other people. There is no way around it.
When we have approval and love for our anger and can tap into its natural and resourceful power, we experience it at the level of physical sensation—the first generation—when it is still within our range of volition. We can choose how to respond to this natural uprising from within. But one moment too late and it builds a layer that becomes resentment, rejection, or contempt, until the feeling inside the body is so overwhelming that we are held hostage by it, a victim of our own feelings. This creates the experience of being a victim to life, where one must either live in preemptive defense or in inverted collapse.
He who has his anger intact has the potency to have fundamental confidence in his rightness as a human being and to protect this against the onslaught of cultural information that says otherwise. When in this position, he has the option of choosing the behavior that is most beneficial—anger can actually be employed to benefit. He and his consciousness are free. His expression is free and natural because there is no self-consciousness keeping track of how much anger is seeping out.
The anger has been integrated, as part of the diversity of behaviors, so that it self-organizes for the highest benefit. He does not need to perform as a warrior to demonstrate he is strong because the strength is well integrated throughout his system.
He also does not need to compensate by secretly siphoning off the power of women. He is solid enough with the masculine in himself to openly and overtly support her power without needing to dominate or people-please. He recognizes her power and her gift, his need for her—if he is not merely going to consume and dispose—to be healthy and thriving not out of some altruistic superior offering from him, but because he cannot be happy otherwise.
In the same way we do Earth no favor by not destroying it, he does women no favor by not destroying her. It is nothing to self-congratulate about. It is simply the wise realization that comes to he who has power that was otherwise spent on anger maintenance. He can relinquish his rapacious drive for more status, power, and prestige, using her power to support it and recognize those drives are made mean and entitled by the fact that he will not tend to what he has.
If he did, he would discover there is more than enough—the wild abundance he is seeking is right here. It just takes one simple shift in consciousness—from being her keeper to being her ally, to where he can live off her offerings rather than his entitlements.