By the time I was 30, I had what most people thought was a dream job. When I told people what I did for a living, they would reply, “That’s so exciting! I wish I could do that.” I was a movie producer who constantly traveled around the world, making a good income.
Even when I wasn’t on the road, I worked 60 hours a week. My life was work, sleep, work, sleep – with hard partying every weekend. As it went on, I got pretty drained. Most mornings, I could barely get up. I had no energy. Things were always the worst when summer turned to fall and the weather turned cooler. For most of September, I could hardly do any work. People could tell I was exhausted, especially when they were receiving my ever-worsening irritation. They figured that it was because I was so driven to succeed. They didn’t know that I didn’t even like this “dream job.” Too often, what I was doing was at odds with my most basic values.
The problem of no energy got steadily worse. Finally, I went to the doctor to get checked out. After an MRI and a thorough exam, the doctor told me gently to take a seat. Those words still echo in my head. I knew instantly something was very wrong. Until then, I’d figured my exhaustion was no big deal. It would clear up if I changed my diet, drank less, or took a certain pill. And then, the doctor told me I had a serious autoimmune disease, and it had the potential to get much worse. I sat stunned. And I knew everything I had known up until that point would have to change.
I crashed hard. I cried. I also realized I had to try and stop this thing from worsening, and maybe one place to start would be a better work-life balance. Maybe I could find a way to be more productive at work, enjoy the work a bit more, and stay healthy at the same time. I was willing to try anything—yoga, meditation, etc. I was open like I’d never been open before.
About two weeks after I was diagnosed, I met up with a friend and told her what I was looking for. She told me she’d just done a meditation workshop the previous weekend. When I asked what sort of practice it involved, she told me it was “Orgasmic Meditation.” I laughed. I thought she was joking. I couldn’t believe such a thing existed. However, something about her enthusiasm and my need led me to try it anyway, despite my suspicion.
When I went to my first gathering with Orgasmic Meditation practitioners, I instantly noticed something special about the people. I saw their faces, and it was like suddenly remembering something I'd lost years ago. They had an unmistakable spark and a lightness in their eyes and cheeks. There was just a certain glow around them. I knew that I had that at some point. And, just as surely, I knew I had lost it long ago. I wanted it back.
I took a workshop to learn more about the practice. During my first OM, there were a couple of moments where I felt really turned on. And then afterward, the feeling was gone. I sat up from the OM, feeling awake and recharged. I went straight from that first OM to a date. I know I was beaming; the man I was with remarked on how radiant I seemed. I felt like a very bright light was shining out from within me.
I’d done workshops before, and they had left me depleted. With my autoimmune disease, most things exhausted me. I walked out of this first full day of the workshop and couldn’t believe how much energy I had. This was utterly new to me. I’d worked a whole week, took this workshop, and then I was heading out for the evening as if I were walking on air. It had only been my first OM, but I knew something incredible was here.
I kept working full-time and was still flying around the world for shoots. Despite my busy travel schedule, I made time to practice Orgasmic Meditation. One morning, I woke up and realized it was September. Fall was coming, but I wasn’t having my usual seasonal collapse. Something was different. A cycle was broken.
I don’t want to give the wrong impression. OM—Orgasmic Meditation is not a miracle cure. I’m 37 now, and I still have that autoimmune disease. I may have it for the rest of my life. The thing is, I have the energy to cope with it. I’ve learned how to balance, too – I work much less these days, and my work doesn’t feel as much like hard labor as it did. I’ve chosen a new career and know I don’t have to burn myself out at this job. Orgasmic Meditation taught me how to listen to what is happening and respond only to what’s needed.
Having a disease has made living in the now all the more important. One of the most important tools I get from OM is resonance. I’ve learned to listen to my body and hear what it wants at each moment – staying in resonance with it. My practice has taught me how to find out what I want and how to ask for that specific thing. Focusing on my clitoris for 15 minutes at a time has made me much more sensitive in so many other ways.
I feel so many things I didn’t feel before, and I can pick up on nuances that would have eluded me in the past. When something isn’t resonating with me, I know how to say no. Sometimes, I’ll meet a potential client, and even though the money is good, I’ll just know that this isn’t supposed to work. When that happens, I can say no right away, trusting that the money will come in other ways. The bottom line is this. I’m at a place where I can trust my body and the truth it tells me. I don’t know that I would have gotten here without Orgasmic Meditation.
