I've always been open-minded, and I like unconventional, fringy things. When I came across Orgasmic Meditation (OM), it made sense to me, and I decided to try it. The first challenge was figuring out how to ask someone to OM. Luckily, for my first OM, a guy asked me. It felt great that he asked, and a friend had recommended him. I could tell he was really kind. It was a good entry point, where I felt safe and comfortable, and the stroking was pleasurable, although I wasn't able to slow down enough to feel deeply into body sensations.
As I went on OMing, I soon came to especially enjoy the steps near the beginning, where the stroker grounds me by pressing on my thighs and then does the lube stroke, applying lubrication to my clitoris. I love the warm, buttery sensation of that first stroke, the smooth initial contact between the finger and the clitoris. I'd been OMing for quite a while when I noticed that within the range of the stroking experience, it's possible to access higher levels of sensation. The connective point of the clitoris can become highly sensitized. Then, I had to navigate the process of providing direction in order to stay within that higher level of sensation.
It took me a long time to learn to make adjustments, asking for a change in the stroke according to what would feel best to me. My voice was still so blocked that even if I thought to make an adjustment, I wouldn't do it. I'd be thinking, I should probably say something. Really, it's totally okay to say something. But I wanted him to know, to figure it out. Eventually, I discovered that using words to give direction was both empowering for me and more satisfying for both of us. Instead of letting him fish around in the dark, I can sense a direction and then guide him towards it. A symbiotic relationship unfolds. Once I had the ability to make adjustments, I took it into the real world. These days I am highly curious about inviting other people into my experience. I've become more outgoing now that I can make adjustments conversationally, which enhances my connection with people.
Two years ago, I started dancing. I was going to the park and dancing while walking. When people stopped to watch, I was able to receive their attention but stay anchored in my body and my own pleasure. If people wanted to talk, I could play with that and either invite them in or not. In the past, if someone had wanted to talk to me, I'd have the obligation to stop what I was doing and respond. Otherwise, I would throw up a total barrier and not allow them in my field at all. Now, I can welcome other energies in, but I don't have to engage with them unless I want to. It's just another way of making adjustments. I'm currently in transition towards becoming a coach or leader, and I know I have gifts to bring into the world. Orgasmic Meditation has awakened so much in me, and I want to be of service.
