Looking at where I was when I was younger and where I am now, I’m stunned by the transformation that OM has brought to my life.
I spent so many years thinking of myself as a victim in many ways. A lot of that victim consciousness was wrapped up in resentment towards women. From the time I was a kid, I had felt not quite good enough. I got crushes on girls and wanted to get close to them, and I would get pushed away. Sometimes, I’d be teased and laughed at. I got the message that I wasn’t worthy, and I internalized it. For a long time, I was angry at women – I just assumed it was so easy for them and so difficult for men like me. I know a lot of men never get out of resenting women. They become brittle and angry. I didn’t want that to be me. I wanted connection more than I wanted, whatever high some people get from nurturing resentment. I don’t think that makes me better than other men, but I’m glad I didn’t give up on women or myself.
Orgasmic Meditation (OM) wasn’t my first stop on the journey. I got certified as a massage therapist and then started offering massages. That worked pretty well for a while, and then one day, I had this client who literally got angry with me during the massage. She sat up, got dressed, and told me off. I had this sense that I was good at what I did, but she let me know otherwise in no uncertain terms. “You’re doing it too hard. I don’t think you have any idea what you’re doing.” She walked out. That was hard to hear, but it was the awakening I needed. I’m missing something, I realized, which led me to Orgasmic Meditation (OM).
I came to Orgasmic Meditation, hoping to learn a technique. I did learn some technical skills, but I also realized what I had been missing for so long: I wasn’t really listening to and responding to women. I was trying to perform better on them, which is not the same as listening.
My part involves noticing what her body is doing. I’m not here to do something to her body. I’m here to interact with her responses, stage by stage. I’ve found that most women rarely hear that from their partners. They’re used to men doing whatever is on their own agenda rather than listening. A lot of men think they’re listening; they start to notice a woman getting aroused, and they see or feel her clitoris swelling, and they think that’s a cue to press on towards making her orgasm as quickly as possible. In some sense, that is responding to a woman – but it’s still all driven by the man’s agenda. A woman’s body is in conversation with a man’s during an OM, and it’s the stroker's job to listen and be ready to be surprised. The more you think you know, the less you do.
I’m still working in massage. A few years ago, I was working with a woman who came to me very depressed. She was actually suicidal. She had no pleasure in her life. She spent all her time working for others, trying to make other people happy. Her people-pleasing had worn her out to the point that life seemed worthless. It was her husband who had sensed she needed something different. Session by session, we worked on her body. Each time, I listened to what her body was saying. And she had this incredible transformation. Friends asked her if she’d had plastic surgery; she looked so different – but it was all a result of the work we did to let enjoyment back into her life. I wasn’t OMing with her, but Orgasmic Meditation (OM) informed me of everything I did with her.
I said earlier that I had grown up thinking women were so lucky because they could get attention and sex any time they liked. I’ve learned that isn’t true. Very few of us are getting as much as we want. So many people are hungry, unheard, and untouched in a meaningful way. Orgasmic Meditation gave me the practice to see that, let go of my resentment, and experience pleasure in connection. I can’t imagine where I’d be without it.
