The first word that comes to mind to describe my life before Orgasmic Meditation (OM) is “under-nourished.” I wasn’t miserable or in some sort of great despair, but I felt as if I hadn’t been getting what I needed for a very long time. I wasn’t sure I’d ever gotten it, to be honest. So, I started looking for something that might leave me feeling a bit more fed, as it were.
I had just come through a divorce. It had not been a happy marriage, especially at the end, and both my ex-wife and I had left each other feeling lonely and distant. I felt as if both my sexuality and my sense of how to be emotionally intimate were damaged, and I needed to heal them. That led me to start searching for practices that could help. I tried yoga, traditional meditation, and Tantra.
All of them were helpful, but none were the answer in and of themselves. I kept looking. A friend told me about Orgasmic Meditation and that an introductory course was regularly offered in Copenhagen. I was fascinated – just hearing about Orgasmic Meditation sounded closer to what I had been looking for than anything else I had tried so far.
Copenhagen is a long way from my home, but I made the drive as an investment in myself. I went to the city for a day, meaning I OMed immediately after the introductory course. I asked a woman I met during the course if she’d be willing to practice Orgasmic Meditation with me. I was very relieved when she said yes. We ended up OMing twice that afternoon, with only a short break in between.
The two OMs with the same person were quite different for me, mostly because during the first one, I was nervous. It was all so new, and I was not sure what I was doing, so I tried to keep my mind focused on following instructions. It felt very technical, and then it was over so suddenly. The second OM that day was very different. My anxiety lessened, and I was able to focus on both the connection and my own sensations. In the first one, I had been worried about what my finger was supposed to do; now, my finger was a conduit for all sorts of feelings between the woman I was stroking and myself.
It was intimate without being necessarily erotic, which was new for me. It was after that second OM that I realized that I needed to do much more to see sex and connection as two things that could be distinguished. I could have a connection without having to go through sex.
As I continued to OM after that first experience, I began to be aware that there was sometimes this third presence in the nest. I don’t mean a ghost or something creepy like that. There was me, the woman – and this third presence, which was our shared energy. I could feel it, separate from each of us. As time passed, I got better at taking a little of that shared energy with me when I left the OM. In the old days, I might have romanticized the relationship with the woman I was with and imagined that this energy I felt was about her specifically. I came to understand that it was just the connection we generated, and it was there to feed us both.
The thing about Orgasmic Meditation that surprised me most, in the long run, was how different the energy was with different people. In one sense, it was always the same. I could get nourished and lifted up by what we created no matter what. I thought of it as the difference between a luxurious coat and a soft blanket: both will keep you warm and keep you comfortable, but they are not the same. And no matter what that specific energy looks like, I could tap into it. Or, to continue the image, I could wear it out into the world, whether it was a coat or a blanket.
I haven’t OMed in a long time, but I feel the practice is still of great benefit. I am with a new partner, and we have a very good relationship. She’s not interested in OMing, but I’ve told her enough about what I learned that she can see how it benefited me. I don’t mean in terms of teaching me a specific technique. I mean that I am able to feel nourished and complete, and she doesn’t feel like I expect her to complete or feed me.
One of the most important long-term gifts of this practice is that it made me responsible for my own fulfillment, even in a relationship; it’s made me more of a giver and less of a taker. Even if I never practice Orgasmic Meditation again, that will stay with me.
