I grew up in a traditional Catholic family–my dad went to work, and my mom was a housewife, raising three kids. The idea that men are in charge and I should wait and let a man lead was ingrained in me. What a woman wanted or might feel good wasn’t important. As a child, I was told I was “too sensitive.” When I cried, I had the feeling I shouldn't be crying. So, it was easier to be by myself. As an adult, this has continued. I am an introvert, so I enjoy being alone a lot of the time. However, I recognize the limits of solitude. I have to push myself to find ways of connecting to other people and often find that it’s not satisfying when I am with people.
I have always been interested in logic and intellectual pursuits and considered myself to have a masculine mind. I never fully understood what it meant to be ‘feminine’; however, I was curious about what this might mean and how it might live inside of me.
When I came across Orgasmic Meditation, it attracted me because it seemed to address these conflicts that had been woven into my life for a long time: the desire for a fulfilling connection with people, the idea of pleasure for women, and an understanding of the feminine. In my first OM - Orgasmic Meditation, it was amazing to feel someone touching my body in a way that felt good without my having to do anything. I felt safe because of the container, which clarified what was required and what wasn't. The container created an experience that was so simple and focused that I could thoroughly explore the sensations in my body, some of which I had never known existed. There are natural highs and lows; a natural high doesn’t have to be a climax. It doesn’t have to go up and up and then burst. It can go up and up and then gently start going down again. There are peaks in the downs as well as the ups. Experiencing this variety has been like discovering a new world.
After the first few OMs, I could spend less time in my head and more time noticing what was happening in my body. When I do sitting meditation, if my mind wanders, I keep bringing it back to my breath. In an OM, I bring my attention back to the spot where the finger and the clitoris are touching. That spot is a more compelling focus than my breath, so it's much easier to stay present in Orgasmic Meditation - OM than in other kinds of meditation. Another difference is that there's another person there with me, so the meditation includes communication. When I notice I want the stroke to be a bit softer or firmer, I can ask for an adjustment. There's an interaction between my sensation, desire, and voice.
At first, it seemed that the purpose of the adjustment was to make me feel more pleasurable, but really, it was not for anything other than having more connection with my partner.
Orgasmic Meditation has provided so many lessons that are extrapolated to daily life. I had to learn to make value-neutral adjustments. If I asked the stroker to move his finger slightly to the right, and it didn't feel like the stroke changed at all, sometimes I'd repeat the adjustment with a little irritation in my voice. It was as if I was hurt or mad that the stroker hadn't really listened to me the first time. As I noticed my tendency to judge or blame, I trained myself to let that pass through me and just make a simple request. If I go to a cafe and ask for a cup of coffee that doesn't arrive for ten minutes, I'll get annoyed. But I can catch myself, go back to neutral, and politely remind the server I'm still waiting for my coffee. It feels way better.
At first, asking for OMs was challenging because of my fear of rejection. But in OM, you simply say “No, thank you” if you don’t want to OM then. When someone says “No, thank you” to me, it makes it easy to move on and not feel bad about myself. That experience has helped me ask for what I want in other areas of my life, despite my upbringing, which taught me that women should wait until men ask, whether it's for a date or to correct some problem. Once, when I was traveling, I thought I had been overcharged for my plane ticket. I thought, Oh, well, there was a computer, it's probably right. Then, my Orgasmic Meditation - OM training kicked in, and I thought I might as well ask as a way of breaking that ingrained conditioning. I went to the airline service counter, explained the situation to the man, and got my money back.
OM - Orgasmic Meditation has the power to cut through our social conditioning on so many levels. Just allowing a person to touch the most sensitive part of my body for fifteen minutes, with no intention of reaching a climax, is a revolutionary step. By safely breaking down barriers, the practice creates a type of connection that I've never experienced in any other relationship, including marriage. It's a shortcut to a deep connection with myself and another person simultaneously.
