When Betty and I started dating, we discovered we had mismatched libidos. During the early years of our relationship, we even joked about it. But everything else between us was so good we got married anyway. I was prepared to live with less sex than I desired, and no doubt she tolerated more than she wanted. But as three children came into the picture and our careers took off, sex steadily declined in frequency. I had a satisfying job as a producer for educational TV, and Betty was a terrific mother.
In almost every way, my life was idyllic, but the last four years of our marriage were completely sexless. When I tried to get us into workshops or courses to address the problem, Betty would find reasons to turn them down. Despite working with two marriage counselors, I finally pulled the plug on a thirty-year marriage and said goodbye to a good woman. I just couldn't live the rest of my life in celibacy.
When I moved out of the house, I decided to have a year of yes. I remember standing in the living room of my apartment with all the boxes I had just moved in, saying, “Okay, Universe, whatcha got? Bring it on.” Four months later, I discovered Orgasmic Meditation, and as I had resolved, I said yes.
The concept fascinated me. When I met a woman who asked me to OM, I was eager to try it. There I was, in a nest of pillows, with a woman who was removing her pants to have this intimate experience with me. It was outside my usual sphere, but I followed the steps I’d learned and went through the process. I don’t remember feeling much outside of a tingling where my finger met her clitoris. When I returned home to Canada, I discovered quite a few practitioners in my area. Soon, I was getting requests to OM all the time. I did 100 OMs in one month, and each one changed me.
For thirty years, I had been faithful and monogamous. During ten of those years, I had very little intimacy. So, when I found Orgasmic Meditation, I was kind of a hungry, creepy guy. But Orgasmic Meditation cleaned that mess up by supplying me with life-giving, supportive female energy. The energy and touch nourished me and filled me up as I went from scarcity to abundance. Because I was always strict about following the rules of the container, I gained a reputation as reliable and safe. It felt great to have my presence requested by so many women. My outlook was positive, and I became more self-assured about connecting with people inside and outside of OM—Orgasmic Meditation.
One of my most unusual OMs was when a woman and I tried doing an OM where we only did one stroke. I started with my finger at the bottom of her clitoris and did one slow stroke up, taking thirteen minutes to get to the top of the clitoris before the two minutes of downstroking that ended each session. It was an intensely tactile experience, feeling the whole surface of the clitoris while trying to maintain a slow but consistent speed. I felt a lot of conflicting tensions in my body. I'd think, This is stupid. No, it's a great challenge. Let's take a deep breath and do it. That session sharpened my focus, for sure.
I also learned a lot from asking for OMs. Anyone can say yes or no when an OM is requested. No justification or explanation is required; the reply is always accepted without argument. I learned there was no reason to take it personally if I got a no. Extrapolating to the rest of my life, I subscribed to the idea that you can ask for anything as long as yes and no are both acceptable answers.
That philosophy has worked in all kinds of relationships. If I don't ask for something because I assume the answer is no, I'll never find out what might happen. Taking more risks has opened doors and provided experiences I never thought I would have. What a life-changing, powerful practice!
