In college, I really enjoyed computer programming because it felt like fun to solve puzzles. However, once in the industry, I was quickly disillusioned because there wasn't a lot of connection with other people. I was working for a major internet corporation, but I wasn’t finding a lot of meaning in my own individual contribution. I didn't feel like I was having the impact I wanted to have on the world, and the actual work I was doing was soul-numbing and boring. My social muscles also felt a bit atrophied. I felt socially awkward and not able to connect and interact. Basically, I was just going to work and doing what I needed to do to get by.
I started investigating a lot of plant medicines and began a psychedelic exploration. But no matter how many eclectic practices I participated in, an emotional piece was missing. Finally, online, I found an OM-related seminar and decided to go.
Orgasmic Meditation was definitely outside my comfort zone, but the people at the event seemed very natural, and there was room to express our feelings.
My first OM felt kind of clinical, maybe because I didn't know exactly what I was doing or felt nothing. I was just doing it. Afterwards, I thanked my partner, and that was what I did. My second one was just as awkward, but I was already finding a little more ease with the steps. During my third OM I dropped in quickly and felt sensations in my body. Afterwards there was a depth of sharing between us, and she expressed that a lot of feeling and connection also came up for her.
When I’d been OMing for four or five months, the initial awkwardness or shyness had burned away. I felt confident and comfortable. I remember one experience in particular. It was with a partner that I'd been OMing with for a long time. There was a lot of ease and a sense of usefulness between us, setting up the nest and doing the practice. In one OM, I remember we were both open, and it felt like riding the peaks and valleys. My attention was dialed into the sensation right at the tip of my stroking finger. There was also heat and a feeling of complete presence, being completely in the moment.
Early in my practice, I started noticing differences in my life. I remember I was in New York City taking the subway, and a woman was playing the cello and singing in the station. I felt so moved that it made me cry! And I would never have had that reaction before. Somehow, OM opened me up and made me available to notice and feel things. I felt the emotion in her playing, and I felt connected to her and all the life around me—the people getting on the subway—everything. And I definitely hadn’t experienced anything like that before! I began to feel awake and alive.
A few other things I’ve noticed about OM are strange. For example, after I’ve OMed, my reading speed has gotten faster. I don't go back and reread. I just read smoothly, line by line, without jumping around or extraneous thoughts popping in. Also, one time, I had a bad headache. After I had OMed, my headache went away.
Orgasmic Meditation opens a doorway to the deeper work that is part of a healing path. If I haven’t OMed in two weeks or so, I feel like something's missing. Life just doesn’t seem to make quite as much sense. OM makes your life's emotional/spiritual/mental clutter more visible. And then it provides a nutrient—more joy, love, connection, and awareness—that enables you to let go of the clutter, fear, and obstacles that appear. There’s a colorfulness that comes … an expansion … a clarity coming from the emotional guidance system that helps me navigate the world more from flow and a sense of interactivity with the social fabric rather than just operating at a superficial level through my mind.
