I had a decent job with a decent income, but there was a certain numbness to my life. I was getting sick quite often—nothing serious, just colds and stuff like that. But it was a constant that I related to the general numbness I was feeling, marked by the inability to express what I needed and ultimately go for what I wanted. I didn’t have much access to my emotions and feelings and certainly no real ability to express them in any meaningful way. In personal relationships with friends and family, I never knew what needed to be done or what the other person wanted from me. My marriage wasn't working very well either. Our relationship felt flat and stale.
I was taking some self-discovery classes, and after a class, someone started talking about Orgasmic Meditation. It sounded interesting, and I went back home and talked about it with my wife. We looked at the website together, and I felt a certain level of curiosity. But there was also some fear, and I could sense the perfectionist in me popping up. I was certain I would do it all wrong if I tried this.
It was my wife who signed us up for the Orgasmic Meditation class. She tends to be more active, while I tend to be more reserved about trying something new; thinking about Orgasmic Meditation, I felt rather frozen and blocked. I knew I wanted to feel closer to her and our relationship to be more intimate. OM (Orgasmic Meditation) gave me a glimpse of hope. And, if I'm honest, relating to women, I always pretended to know what I was doing, but I really had no idea. Still, she had to more or less drag me to the event.
My first OM was terrifying. I was shaking and super nervous and didn't know what I was doing. It felt like the instructions I had been given were insufficient and that I needed to learn more facts. I thought I was supposed to learn some elaborate technique, and the simplicity of it all was very confusing to me. Even so, there was this felt experience–a very small experience—of something opening up.
That first OM was like a tiny crack in a dam. Soon, floodgates opened, and I was learning to express a whole new world of feelings, emotions, and sensations. The more I expressed these feelings, the more I started to gain a degree of intellectual understanding about myself. I began to view the practice as something that connected me to myself and humanity.
This expansion is ongoing. It spills over into how I show up and relate to others. The more I practiced Orgasmic Meditation, the more honest my conversations with people, especially women, became. I discovered there is an energetic connection in the man-woman relationship, where even without things being said, we can, as humans, feel and understand one another. It’s a sort of foundation or baseline I am learning to trust. I know I can open up and sense things. I can feel, “This is what she wants right now.”
There have been a couple of moments where my wife has said, “Oh, how do you know that?” or “Why did you just say that?” And sometimes, this can be confronting for both her and me. But Orgasmic Meditation has given me a very new perspective. There is a deeper truth to human relationships when you strip away all unnecessary things—the obligations and constructs—and get down to bare bones. Life becomes more effortless and more joyful, although not necessarily always pleasurable. It certainly becomes undeniably real.
Today, I can operate within my relationships and even my professional relationships by knowing myself. I’m learning from the inside out. I’ve gone back to my Catholic roots. In church—at least pre-pandemic—I can sit and listen to the Gregorian chants and melodies and feel the profundity and ancient wisdom that has been poured into those melodies. Orgasmic Meditation has enhanced this sensibility for me.
