I’ve always been kind of edgy, but the older I got, the more reserved and boring I became. I was looking for the next thing but couldn’t find it. I’d go to another therapy training, and everything would be the same, just regurgitated with different words.
I first read about Orgasmic Meditation (OM) in a newsletter. Then I heard about it through a friend, and then it came up at a women’s group. I thought I needed to find out what this thing is! I signed up for a class, saw a live demonstration, and thought, I’ll have what she’s having! I was raised Southern Baptist, which is a very strict religion. The attitude is, ‘If you thought it, you sinned,’ so I was screwed either way. I had to recover from all those years of repression. I was holding myself back and living a small life. You were taught not to ask for what you wanted and that men wouldn’t like you if you asked for too much or were too expensive. Now it’s like, ‘If you can’t afford me, then forget it!’ Before, I’d look for the cheapest thing on the menu. Now, I’m not even looking at prices. I’m just looking at what I want!
I’ve been in recovery for 34 years, so I’ve done a lot of inventories on addiction. When I was in my addictions, I used to talk about this hole in my chest. It felt like the wind could blow through, and I was empty. Orgasmic Meditation has filled that hole up. I’m not trying to fill myself up with food or money or Ben & Jerry’s or alcohol anymore. I was always trying to fill myself up with things outside of me.
I used to deprive myself and not ask for what I wanted. Then I’d get resentful. Being able to ask for adjustments in my OMs has completely changed that in the rest of my life. Recently, a lady I’d been working for called me up and asked if I could help her with a part-time gig. She said, “Come in and fill out the paperwork, and let’s talk about what you want salary-wise.” I’m like, “OK.” So I doubled my salary, walked in there confidently, asked for it, and got it.
Before, I’d have returned to what they’d paid me. This time, I said, “You either hire me or you don’t.” Now that I’ve expanded my life, I can help my clients expand theirs, too. As I've worked on mine, I help them work around their shame.
After around six months of OMing, my relationships also started to get richer. Things started slowing down: my conversations got deeper, I started asking more questions, and I could start asking for what I wanted. I used to feel like I always had to reciprocate in sex, but now I don’t feel that way anymore. And I don’t have to commit. It can be a one-night thing or a one-month thing. Before, it was more like, ‘Oh, totally good marriage material here.’
I’m more specific about what I want out of bed, too. I’ll be specific about what kind of meal I want or what flowers I want my dates to bring me. God hasn’t struck me yet. He’d probably like me to feel this good. There’s something very spiritual about Orgasmic Meditation practice for me now. I can’t explain, but it fills me up somehow. I feel full.
I’m back to living on the edge now. These days, I say yes to more in my life, whether I’m afraid to or not. I’ve realized that fear and excitement often feel the same in my body. So I’ve started telling myself that I’m not afraid—excited! My motto is: feel the fear, change it to excitement, and do it anyway!
