I’d heard about Orgasmic Meditation (OM) from a man I met at a slow speed-dating event in the Bay Area, where I live. I was not tempted to try the practice then, but I told a male friend about it because I thought it might benefit him. This friend had just moved to the city, was feeling lonely, and had low self-esteem, and he was willing to try OM. After he started practicing, his life changed significantly, and he encouraged me to do it, too. Two years later, I decided to finally try it for myself, based on his insistence—and the guidance of my relationship coach.
I don’t remember much about my first Orgasmic Meditation (OM). I was probably pretty nervous. Taking off my underclothes and revealing myself—of being seen and touched and commented on—took some getting used to. In those early days, I would OM with almost anyone who asked me to unless I felt uncomfortable around the person. I ended up experiencing the practice with many different men.
Right away, OM - Orgasmic Meditation changed how I expressed myself because it taught me to say what I wanted. A big part of the practice is asking for adjustments in the stroking—whether you want a faster or slower stroke or a stronger or lighter one. What amazed me was that those requests were not only okay but also welcomed by the man. Through that practice, I felt encouraged to transfer that communication to other areas of my life.
During my OM sessions with various men, I had one partner who felt different from the others. With this person, I had very strong emotions during the OM, which I could not explain. When he eventually asked me if I’d be interested in getting to know each other better and going on a date, I was open to the idea. I’m not sure I would have been as open if I hadn’t OMed with him and felt something really special during those sessions. This was the man who would become my husband—and it was Orgasmic Meditation that brought us together.
Not only did I find my partner through Orgasmic Meditation, but I also found a partner with whom I could share a common set of communication skills and tools we had each developed through the practice. When you OM together, it’s like learning a common language. I didn't have this fluency in my previous relationships, and it’s a valuable way of relating to each other. We share a common set of beliefs about communication, relationships, desire, and healing—all of which are part of the OM philosophy and practice.
When we hit patches where we’ve drifted apart, had a problem, or felt a little distance, we often turn to OM - Orgasmic Meditation to bring us back to each other. One of us will reach out to the other and request an OM, and quite a few times, this has helped us build bridges again and re-establish intimacy and connection. I’ve noticed that I sometimes act withdrawn when I'm upset. So, I work on different ways to get through the wall or to take the wall down. With my husband, one way might be asking for an OM. Requesting an OM gives me a simple, direct way to connect with him without explaining or justifying anything. It creates a small opening. And if it’s not an OM that I need, I can ask for something else, like a hug or even time alone.
Orgasmic Meditation has changed the way I relate not just to others but also to myself. The noticing step and sharing frames let you hear the man’s perspective of your body without judgment. I always appreciated hearing the shared feedback that I would get from my OM partner. Hearing about the man’s experience makes me feel like my body has given someone something. And that makes me feel good. That’s part of what makes OMing a wellspring of strength and confidence for me.
Once, before I got married, I OMed with a man who was new to the practice. At first, he was nervous and not making eye contact—he seemed afraid to relate to women directly. I was receptive and encouraging with him throughout the OM. I told him about my warm, glowing feeling during the frames afterward. That day, he OMed with me and a couple of other women. And in the end, the man looked completely transformed. His stature was more upright; he looked me in the eye, and it seemed as if he had broken through something. It was amazing to be part of the empowerment of another person like that.
I’ve sometimes wondered what the world would look like if everyone OMed—if every woman could feel safe being seen and touched by a man in a way that’s accepted, beautiful, and honorable. We often hear instead about rape, or of women being spoken of in a derogatory way, or of their bodies being used as vehicles for men to exert their life worth or their need to dominate. The world would be so different if everyone could accept a practice like Orgasmic Meditation for what it is: a beautiful way of communicating.
