I crave intimacy, being awake in this life, and connecting with the generosity of the human spirit. My question has always been about ending suffering and finding healing. In Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I found an opening and a path forward. But my story begins several years earlier when I found myself on the verge of a crisis and a breakdown.
When I was 30 years old, I had a sizable career in real estate in New York City. I was in a powerful position, overseeing the development and sales of a 44-story building to the tune of a $130 million sellout. The focus was on performing, and my life was entirely about work. I worked 13-hour days, six days a week, and ate and slept onsite. When I completed the project after a three-to-five-year run, I was utterly depleted physically and emotionally.
I was married and making a profound amount of money at the time. I had two dogs, an Audi Q7, and two apartments. On paper, I was a woman who supposedly had it all. But I wasn’t fulfilled. I was burnt out and completely broken. I was on a long road trip with my wife when I finally got a break. My mind finally had a chance to go wide, and I had the capacity to reflect. My schedule had been so demanding that I had lost the ability to feel. And what came up was a lot of grief. The culture tells you that if you have what I had, you’re finally free, you’re happy, you’ve made it. But all I could feel was a deep and painful dissatisfaction.
That aha moment in the car made me question everything. What is the meaning of my life? Why am I doing what I'm doing? What matters to me and to my heart? I knew I had to step away. As a reprieve, I visited Austin, my hometown. Listening deeply, I could hear that I wanted something else. So, I dove into it. I left New York, I left my relationship, I sold what I had, and I moved to Europe. For three years, I explored everything—bodywork, somatic work, energetic healing, remote healing. I spent time in Geneva, Berlin, and France on a personal dive to see what I wanted out of this life.
When I came back to New York, I no longer fit because I had changed so much from these phenomenal life experiences. After the unplugging I had done, I had no desire to keep up with the intense frequency of the city. I went back to Austin, where I felt supported by old friends. Yet, I didn’t have the kind of community there that matched my current spiritual endeavors. I had to build that, so I did some searching.
I found out about Orgasmic Meditation online. My curiosity was piqued, and I ended up attending an event about it. After this, I experienced my first OM—Orgasmic Meditation. I am bisexual, but at that time, I identified more as lesbian. While I had some experience with men, my history until then had been a 15-year run of strong emotional and physical connections with women. Yet when the opportunity to practice Orgasmic Meditation (OM) presented itself, I decided to do it with a man.
I went into it with a lot of excitement and curiosity. Even in the opening of my legs, I felt a heightened, tingling, anticipatory giddiness. It was powerful to have my clitoris be the object of so much attention and focus. I also felt an enormous amount of discomfort—which showed me that even after all the spiritual exploring I had done, there was still this area of my life where I needed integration.
It wasn’t just about doing it with a man. It was more about experiencing the essence of myself through an intimate exchange of energy. My uncomfortability signaled to me that this was where I ought to be. It rang out as a clear message: “I need this.” I knew that through Orgasmic Meditation, I’d be able to learn and continue the important work of my own awakening, healing, and integration. I committed to a regular practice with regular partners. Sometimes, I would have two or three OMs a day. In those early days, Orgasmic Meditation was a rebirthing for me. It created an accumulation of energy and real desire in my body.
At first, I paired mostly with men, and OM allowed me to break barriers within my intimate connection to men. I didn't realize that I had shut myself off from men ever since I’d gone through a bad breakup when I was 21. I’d been with women ever since. Through Orgasmic Meditation, I was able to get comfortable with men again and even celebrate them. This was a massive shift.
About eight months into my practice, I had the experience of being the stroker. I was shocked at how much energy was in my body from stroking. It was as though I had been plugged into a battery pack. I’ve had both men and women OM partners and been both a strokee and a stroker. And I’ve learned so much about the movement of energy and the connectivity of people. I even learned how to touch energetically rather than physically. And all of that was so fascinating and exhilarating and rewarding.
OM—Orgasmic Meditation has greatly transformed me—from my exponentially heightened ability to receive pleasure to my capacity to pay attention and be present. You don't know how much further you can expand until you start expanding. My awareness is more embodied, and I feel more grounded and confident in who I am. My OMing practice was the catalyst for the confidence and assurance I have today in everything I do—in my relationship, business, and capacity to show up in the world. I’ve stepped into my power and mastery. I am the 5.0 quantum version of myself.
The magic of the practice is that it gives you the support and courage to hold space for other human beings so we can all explore the question of “Who am I?” In this body-centered practice, we can explore the vehicle in which we exchange our care and intimacy for another partner, our care and intimacy for ourselves, and our care and intimacy for the people in our world. It has profoundly changed me, and I am so grateful for it.
