Eros Platform logo

A Catalyst to Accepting My Identity

by Brittany Wagstaff

I’ve always been driven to learn new things and have lived my life in a deeply immersive way, diving into very deep experiences. In high school, I was an exchange student living in Perth, Australia. After that, I ended up in South Africa for a year. I really couldn't focus on college, sitting around reading textbooks. It just wasn’t interactive enough for me.

Desire for Family

When I was 23, I was very driven to have a family. I was dating a man who was a geology grad student. We fell in together easily and started a family dynamic that was a continuation of my childhood—meaning we moved a lot. Family was the binding factor, and I was definitely the driving marital force keeping us together. But there were underlying interpersonal issues. I desperately wanted more intimacy, and being a wife and mother wasn’t satisfying that. I felt unseen and, strangely, kind of unwanted. Eventually, we got a divorce.

After that, I became involved in many projects, such as buying, remodeling, and selling homes, and I opened a coffee shop. True to my immersive nature, I loved tackling big projects and did them mainly on my own, driven by the desire to see what I could accomplish.

In the summer of 2017, I had what’s known as a “kundalini awakening” that took me by complete surprise—especially since it wasn’t even a sexual thing that triggered it. I was listening to someone play the guitar and sing. I wasn’t at all attracted to him, but listening to his music, I felt this rising orgasm starting at my root chakra, going all the way up into my throat. It was so intense that I remember looking at him, feeling shocked that he was completely oblivious to what was happening. The feeling didn't leave me for days. I was completely wide open and, even though I had been practicing yoga for 20 years, completely clueless about what was happening. 

Discovering Orgasmic Meditation

When I first heard about Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I resonated with it completely, sensing that it would clarify what had happened to me during the Kundalini experience. 

My first OM—Orgasmic Meditation‚ was memorable: I felt completely free, knowing that it was just the right thing to do. I found my partner attractive, and I was comfortable with everything, taking off my pants and my underwear and lying there in the butterfly with my open legs. When we began the OM, I kept thinking, “Oh! This is just the right medicine! My spiritual self, my physical self, and all my cells are getting taken care of here. This is exactly what I wanted!” That first session was so electrically charged, and I could tell my partner was having his own electrical experience. The therapeutic benefit of the practice was immediately apparent.

Deepening OM Practice

After I had a few more OMs under my belt, I opened up even more. I liked getting in the nest, stepping into a ritual space, and knowing I would get 15 minutes of attention. 

About half the time, it was a very energetic experience where I would get electric feelings in my genitals and then in my core. Generally, it was a body experience, but every OM is different. All the outside stuff falls away; there is delicious engagement. The Orgasmic Meditation—OM container can be its own world, leaving everything behind upon entry. 

An Identity Beyond Labels

When I started OMing, I was in a period of great upheaval, and the OMs were beautiful still points in my life. They helped me slow down. They were also a catalyst for me to accept my independent identity as someone who is very much her own person. I appreciated the therapy of it and appreciated that I was standing up for other people’s access to nourishment by claiming my own needs and fulfilling them. I remember thinking, “Oh my God, everyone can have this level of being held and loved no matter their religious or group identity.”

Orgasmic Meditation showed me how alive I was inside. It showed me my magnetic erotic being and helped me feel comfortable as a person. It also helped me feel more grounded and purposeful, and I started bringing that confidence into my relationships at work. I now have the intimate connection with people that I craved so long ago. And I feel comfortable holding space for others where I feel it is needed in turn.

Related Stories
The Gift of Being Uncomfortable
by Quantum
My Healing Journey Led Me To Orgasmic Meditation, Which Helped Me Reconnect With My Body And Emotions. see more
6 min Read
Exquisitely Alive
by Lucy Egg
Orgasmic Meditation Helped Me Overcome Fear Of Rejection And Deepened My Intimate Connections With Others. see more
4 min Read
Taking Care of Me
by Chandra Bloom
Relaxing Into My Orgasmic Meditation Practice Allowed Me To Let Go Of Vigilance And Be Fully Present In The Moment. see more
4 min Read
Not Taking a “No” Personally
by Michaela
Through Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I Found The Confidence To Be Visible, Take Up Space, And Stop Justifying Myself. see more
4 min Read
Surrendering To Have It All
by David
OM Helped Me Rediscover My Emotions And Build Intuitive Connections That Carried Over Into My Life Outside The Practice. see more
5 min Read
The Art of Paying Attention
by Sean
Learning To Direct My Full Attention Inward And Outward Through OM Has Made Me A Better Partner, Friend, And Professional. see more
5 min Read
Just Being Me
by Charlie Frank
Through Orgasmic Meditation, I Learned To Focus On Myself And Harness My Sensitivity As A Strength, Not A Weakness. see more
4 min Read
My Internal Landscape Revealed Itself to Me
by Katherine Sheldon
My World Expanded As I Realized The Incredible Variety Of Sensations Available Within My Body Through The Simple Practice Of OM. see more
6 min Read