I was an only child brought up in a stable home in California. I spent a lot of time by myself, and perhaps because of that, I had acceptance issues. I didn’t feel fully accepted by my peers or even some adults. To compensate, I became overly active. At school, I went out for every sport, and I focused on my athletic and academic performance as a way to make friends. From early on, I put a lot of emphasis on performance in my life. I went into a career as an investor and a consultant, and eventually, my time was all about problem-solving for other people. When it came to problems in my own life, particularly in my romantic relationships, that was much trickier.
Just before I discovered Orgasmic Meditation (OM), I hit a bottom in my life. I was dealing with physical problems and the ending of a long relationship. Being a very logical and analytical person, I tried to think my way out of these difficulties. I was a professional problem-solver but was stumped when it came to myself. I decided I needed to try something different. At first, I turned to athletics, which helped me stop thinking so much because I was focusing on moving my body instead. I then heard about the practice of Orgasmic Meditation. Although I was initially skeptical, the friend who told me about the practice said it had helped her move through some places she had been stuck in her life and that it may help me with that as well, through feeling even more inside of my body.
My first OM felt like a bit of a disaster—or so I thought. My partner gave a lot of adjustments throughout the OM, yet I couldn’t find the spot. I got lube everywhere. I was sure that it was an unsuccessful first attempt—until we shared frames at the end. Despite what I judged to be my inept stroking techniques, she shared a moment where she had felt something. In my first OM, I realized then that all that is required of me is to put my attention on what I’m doing. There isn’t such a thing as a great stroker. I just need to focus on the OM, and an experience of connection happens.
As I continued to practice, my ability to relax and focus also increased. I learned how to let feelings and sensations, rather than rules, guide my stroking. And as my practice grew more subtle, I was able to see how incredibly effective slow and gentle stroking could be. But the breakthroughs came when I started to translate Orgasmic Meditation into areas of my life that had been causing me real problems in the past. For starters, it had an immediate effect on how I approached conversations. I learned to slow down. When I did that, I became more aware of the person I was talking to and of the connection between us.
For example, I was on a date with a woman that I really cared for, and about five minutes into it, she asked me to slow down. She wanted to share some things with me, but I wasn’t listening. I realized that this had happened repeatedly in my life; I went fast without paying attention to what was happening at the moment. I had just started OMing and realized that the connection between the slow strokes and my life could be helpful.
I sat back, smiled, took a deep breath, and started to listen and be present. We spent the next two and a half hours with each other, sometimes talking, sometimes in silence. I noticed what she looked like, her facial expressions as she shared, and how I felt while we were together. I saw how slow, gentle strokes can make a huge difference in life. Orgasmic Meditation has slowed me down. I no longer feel I need to perform to be accepted. I can find acceptance and connection just by being present and attentive. That exquisite attention, in and of itself, is all I need.
