The strokee may attempt to seduce us by adding in a sugary layer that causes us to feel “special.” If we, as the stroker, feel a sense of being special during an OM, know that it’s a smoke screen: energy she should instead be employing back into her body is being used to distract us. If we feel anything other than a clarifying presence, pay even further attention. If the OM causes us to fantasize about the future or “more,” know there is a matched amount of energy in the strokee that isn’t being aimed toward her own body. An optimal OM is one that draws us pristinely into the moment, into the stroke, with no residue. Residue is a leap into an imagined future— or a replaying of the past. In an optimal OM, there is no me, no you, no room for “special,” romance, or sexual intrigue.
This isn’t to say there is no room for non-localized and profound sensations of presence, love, and dark richness. In an optimal OM, we are so drawn into the current moment that we start at the lowest bar. The instruction here is to become a clarifying force by focusing solely on the point of connection between our fingertip and the clitoris. This is an opportunity to shift the center of gravity of attention from one of the most powerful lures of identity—our specialness—to the location that will dissolve this and replace it with the only thing that can actually gratify.
The idea of “special” in OM strengthens the bond of identity, much in the same way eating sugar creates a craving for more sugar. Specialness is the source of craving itself, driving our identity into more activities of bondage in order to get its hit of empty calories. Soon, both partners have sold themselves over to this identity of special and now have nothing to offer one another but the behavior that maintains it.
The one way to beat this particular identity is to meet in the field of sensation that dissolves all identity, including the sense of specialness. Afterward, we may not get that “hit” of feeling special, but at the very least we keep our Erotic dignity intact. In the best-case scenario, we become an agent who liberates the one we care about. We exchange the illusion of special for the truth of liberation.
No matter what is thrown at us, we can beat the identity of special by focusing on the flow, or lack thereof, of sensation in the space between the stroker and the strokee. The ultimate OM relationship is one of sympathy between partners. Here, there is a desire to take particular care of the other’s well-being, not in a personal way but in appreciation of the other person who is so dedicated to their own and our own liberation they forego the lures of personality for each partner’s mutual benefit.
They are willing to be an agent of love to the extent they will use all their resources to liberate rather than to trap. It is a longer, slower, deeper route, but it proves to be the only truth that exists when we look at what true care is. This type of relationship does not need to declare itself, nor does it need to be worked at or supported. The natural attraction to those who free us, even from themselves, is what calls us back.
In this type of relationship, we throw into the fire even the places where we convince our- selves we are operating cleanly but are not—those places where we sneak under the radar. The aim isn’t to be good or to confess. We have discovered that the only truth, the only care, the only relating that truly exists is that of liberating ourselves and each other. Everything else is fuel for the tumescent mind.
