The potent force of desire is often misconstrued. It serves as a powerful catalyst, yet women often suppress it. Desire is not a pre- cursor to experiences, it is an intrinsic part of them. Yet, woman tamps it down to avoid turning on her Erotic power. The following shows the different levels of a woman's relationship to her desire.
Lack of Belief/Selflessness At this level, a woman simply doesn't believe she has any desire. This is largely based on the concept that desire is bad, that she wants too much, and that selflessness is more noble than reaching for what she most yearns. There is a certain ubiquitous sense of resignation we find in women who are stymied in this way. Such a woman usually sublimates her deepest desires in ways that are culturally acceptable. We might hear her say, "I have no desire for sex, and I'm okay with that," "I wish I wanted sex more often, but I just don't," or "I get so much satisfaction from being a great mom—what more could I want?"
Lack of Access In this stage, a woman feels her desire lurking somewhere in the back- ground, but she can't access it, no matter what she tries. She is often in the middle of some kind of self-actualization process that never comes to fruition, usually because she gives up along the way. We might hear her say something like, "I'm working on self-love. I feel a spark sometimes, but [fill in a reason] so I don't even try. I mean, why bother?"
Lack of Voice Here, a woman is able to access her desire, but she cannot state what it is or make the request necessary for its fulfillment. She feels her desire, but still has the nagging feeling her desire isn't right or acceptable. The reasons not to act on it feel overwhelming. There is a sense of disconnection from the very thing that could fuel her Erotic expression, and it's shrouded in layers of excuses. We might hear a spiel such as: "I'm very picky, and there's no one I'm particularly interested in," or "If he knew how I felt, I'd just die."
Lack of Receptivity At this level, a woman can make a request, but then sabotages its fulfillment. This self-defeating pattern emerges from the idea that a gratified desire must be earned, or that the deferral of pleasure is good. In many ways, the obstacles to fulfillment at this level are self-generated and create a sense of numbness. A woman sets herself up for failure by dismissing her deepest hunger, even setting up situations in which she can purposely avoid gratification.
A favorite of women in this place is to give, especially to men who cannot or will not give back. It is a way of securing her identity. She might say, "I have zero time and energy to do it. It just feels like another burden," "You wouldn't believe how my day has been! Do you still want to? 'Cause I'd understand if you didn't . . . ," "He was great. But in between work, night classes, and holidays with my parents, it just didn't work out."
Lack of Gratitude At this level, a woman can receive but cannot acknowledge or be grateful for what she is receiving. It's as if she is inhaling a plate of food without stopping to relish what she's tasting or appreciate how good it is. Her hunger is so steadfast and fierce that there is little sense that it will ever be truly gratified, so it assumes a numb, unappreciative, resentful, bottomless persona. The following sentiments are common to someone who hasn't experienced gratitude: "That's it?" "No, it's not the exact thing I wanted." The most common is: "It's not you, it's me."
Lack of Fulfillment At this stage, a woman can express gratitude, but she is unable to recognize or admit when she is full. She has long-standing scarcity-based habits that don't fit the current circumstances of abundance, she is used to long periods of going without. Unaccustomed to abundance, her internal mechanisms haven't caught up or acclimated to it yet. She might express this lack of a gauge with statements such as: "I'm going to need a bigger closet and a reason to wear all these clothes at some point," "I don't think any man will ever truly meet my needs," "Okay, a little to the left, harder, softer, no—back a little bit," "I can't tell you how much this means to me—my last boyfriend broke up with me because of it."
Lack of Reciprocity At this level, a woman is grateful for her bounty, but she is unable to let it pour forth from her as a form of generosity. This is typically due to the absence of agency, power, and connection to Eros. She feels a growing sense of tumescence and tightness, which causes tension in her life. Meanwhile, full has slowly transformed into stuffed. She's reached a point where the only relief will come from spilling over, bursting forth, and allowing her cup to run over onto others. She's reached that place but is not yet conscious of it, because of how unfamiliar it is.
Her mounting irritation often results in anger or sickness: "I knew there was going to be a hidden cost in this bill!" and "I have no idea why I got the flu right in the middle of our vacation," and "Don't pressure me! You don't have to say anything, I can feel it!"
Generosity At this level, a woman has alchemized her desire and made it into some- thing more meaningful. She is able to digest pleasure fully and put it back out in the world. She is finally ready to give, since she has something to give. Because she is so full, her system will ensure she will never feel depleted and that giving will not result in resentment or expectation. It will be done for the sheer joy of the act. She has taken the world in with pure hunger, and is now converting those nutrients into love, sending that back out into the world.
A woman at this level does not distinguish between her own pleasure and the pleasure she gives others. This often looks like unbounded, unabashed cock-lust. She can't get enough. She wants to fuck it, suck it, stroke it, smell it, see it glisten, make it medium-hard, super-hard, open her throat wider, and feel it in her pussy more deeply. She has a strong desire for other women to experience what she has.
She responds to "Thank you," which she hears quite often, with "Thank you," and genuinely means it. She is unafraid of showing her love and may even risk pushing her man's edges, given the amount of love she effort- lessly pours onto him, which comes from her own sense of abundance and not from neediness or lack. She has the uncanny ability to feel others so deeply that she gets off on other people's turn-on. She is driven to bring others along for the ride. Everything gratifies because she is able to convert everything the universe offers into nourishment.