After graduating college in 2012, I worked as a software engineer for a Fortune 500 corporation. For as long as I could remember, I had had a vision of what I wanted and always went after it. I earned straight As in high school and college. From the age of thirteen, I was drawn to technology because I wanted to create something that made a difference, helped people become more productive and efficient, and ultimately, could change the world. My parents had grown up in poverty in the Caribbean Islands, and they wanted my brother and me to have everything we needed to succeed in the US, where we were both born.
While I always excelled academically, I fell behind socially. I couldn’t relate to other kids in school, and if I was ever interested in a girl, I hid my feelings for fear of rejection. I felt validated by my academic success and told myself that at least I had something I was good at that made me a good person and provided a way for me to belong. I joined communities online, where I first learned about Orgasmic Meditation (OM). Although interested, I lived in Florida then and didn’t want to fly to New York or California for a class.
Some years later, I moved to San Francisco to take my career in a different direction. I started attending various events and networking parties, scouting for a new job, and exploring new possibilities and opportunities. At one of those events, someone spoke to the group about Orgasmic Meditation. I remembered learning about it, so I signed up for a class.
I felt nervous and withdrawn going in, but simultaneously, I was curious and excited. What I remember most vividly is the genuine interest of the people running the class and the quality of their curiosity about and care with the students. I was particularly impressed with the stroker in the demonstration—his comfort with doing this incredibly vulnerable thing in front of a class of people, his mastery and steadiness in stroking a woman. I wanted that. A few days after the class, I asked a woman I had met there if she wanted to practice Orgasmic Meditation, and she said yes.
She was more experienced than I was, having already OMed several times. I prepared as much as possible by looking up anatomy pictures online and practicing the motion I had seen the stroker use in the demonstration. My partner walked me through what to do when I wasn’t sure about some steps. I remember the first moment I placed my finger on her clitoris, totally amazed by what I was doing. It felt a little leathery or rubbery and also very soft and warm. There was a moment when I felt a jolt, a surge of electricity through my finger, and my whole body awoke.
The Orgasmic Meditation was in the morning; afterward, when I walked to the BART station, electricity surged through my body each time I looked at a woman. I felt I knew some secrets about women that most people didn’t know. At that point in my life, I had no experience with women. I was so awkward and insecure around people that I’d always assumed no woman would ever be interested in me.
I initially OMed once or twice a week, getting comfortable with the practice and learning to trust my intuition. I learned how to let go of trying to stroke the “right” way and instead stroked the way that felt right in the moment. During one Orgasmic Meditation session, my foot fell asleep, and I was afraid to stop and change my position. Finally, I said, “Hey, I need to adjust my foot,” As soon as we got back to it, we could feel a lot more sensation. Another time, there was a moment when I was stroking with pretty heavy pressure and felt this dark, gritty energy emanating from me. This was an aggressive, rough side of me that I had never felt before.
After a few months, I started practicing Orgasmic Meditation almost every day. About a year after I learned the practice, I remember one OM when I stroked a super-sensitive woman who only wanted the lightest strokes possible. I was stroking her so lightly that I was barely touching her, and I could feel a layer of electricity between my finger and her clitoris. At one point, I wasn’t even physically touching her; that electricity was buzzing through my finger into my body.
One thing Orgasmic Meditation helped me do was to “hold sensation” better. For most of my life, anytime anyone paid me a lot of attention, I would not be able to hold onto the intimacy of the sensation. I would squirm or laugh or avoid eye contact. With OM, I felt huge amounts of sensation and energy rush through me, and I learned to stay conscious in that rush. I learned to maintain eye contact with people and ground myself in my body, staying steady even when interacting with a woman I was attracted to. I started being able to flirt with and relate to women, which naturally led to developing a love life I had not had before.
Over these last several years of OMing, I’ve learned how to ground myself and locate and rely on gravity within me. I have stability I have never had before. Someone can say something mean or judgmental to me, and I don’t automatically assume it’s really about me; often, judgment is more about the person judging. I don’t spin out thinking that I suck or am a bad person. Orgasmic Meditation has given me the confidence to trust that my feelings are right and true.
I am much more outgoing, able to share who I am with people, and not feel so withdrawn and unsure. I project an energy now that’s open, warm, and even gregarious. OM has been a big part of that.
