I've always been good at being friends with women. My sisters and a strong mother cultivated my feminine side, so I know how to be sympathetic and respectful to women. But getting beyond friendship became a challenge in my late twenties.
My first relationship began when I was sixteen and lasted eleven years. By the time I was 27, I was in a state of confusion. I didn't know what I was doing with my career, and I was suppressing a lot of my emotional self, which left me depressed. So there I was, trying to figure out how to be a single adult male for the first time. I had no idea how to explore the intimacy of a relationship. I was going out talking to girls for the first time like a sixteen-year-old but in a 27-year-old's body.
At one point, I started dating someone who lived in L.A. while living in San Francisco. She wanted to hang out, but when I drove to L.A. to see her, she said, “Why are you here? I didn't mean I wanted to hang out right now.” I realized I had no idea what I was doing.
It was time to find something to help me communicate with women. I've always been open-minded, and it attracts me if something's scary or uncomfortable. So, when I learned about OM—Orgasmic Meditation—I was willing to try it.
Most strokers talk about OM getting them in touch with all kinds of sensations in their bodies, but that wasn't the case for me. The main part of Orgasmic Meditation that intrigues me is the connection to the clitoris and getting to know how it is tied to the rest of the woman's body. I liked learning to plug into it most directly and then building an understanding around it. Every time I OMed, I could sense the other person's body more and more, as well as how the physical, mental, and emotional are linked together. These insights inform me about every part of human behavior so that I can take them into relationships, careers, family, and everywhere.
There was a contractor I worked with who was brilliant but hard to get along with. People would want his skills but then decide they couldn't handle him. I sensed his chaotic nature that took over when he was emotional. I decided not to pay attention when he said offensive things because I could see where it came from. I didn't react, and I didn't judge him. We had a productive time working together. A couple of years later, he called me and said he was so grateful he wanted to return the favor by getting me on the executive team at his new job.
My problem communicating with women was resolved in a way I could never have envisioned. I learned that if I want to get to know a woman, I don't have to do anything. I just have to show up and be present. I can pick up on whether a woman is attracted to me or wants something more from me in nonverbal ways. If I'm interested in her, I open up space for her to feel comfortable and secure; however she feels, I stay attentive and just listen.
From my thirties on, I've never had a situation where I had to direct anything. The more women saw that I could be respectful and attentive, the more they were attracted. A free channel of expression opened up the possibility of spontaneity. Those experiences increased my confidence in connection.
