My father died when I was eight. He was a heavy drinker and violent toward my mother, and he left us with a lot of debt. My mom worked morning, noon, and night to pay off the debts, and then she developed a drinking problem herself, so I never had much of a relationship with either parent. I’d describe my relationships with women before I started in OM—Orgasmic Meditation as passive. Most of the people I dated I met in pubs. Some women weren't looking for anything serious, and they’d quickly move on to someone else.
I learned about women from my peer group, and they passed their ignorance right on to me. I was very socially shy. I was married for fifteen years to a woman I found quite needy. I was a yoga teacher with my wife, and women would come to me. I ended up cheating, disappointing myself as much as anyone else. I always lacked commitment. In the end, it was a lack of commitment to myself.
When the marriage ended, I had no interest in meeting anyone else. I started to live a bit of a hermit’s life, and I was drinking a lot in the evenings. Life had little direction. Each day felt pretty much the same as the day before. About a year before coming to OM—Orgasmic Meditation, I started attending Ayahuasca ceremonies and realized life had some magic. At one of the ceremonies, I met someone who told me about Orgasmic Meditation, and I decided to look into it.
My first time stroking felt surreal. Every clitoris is different. If the hood gets engorged, then the clitoris might disappear underneath it. Sometimes, you’re lucky to be on it at all. At first, adjustments triggered me, but now that I’ve been OMing for two and a half years, I’ve developed in practice, and I have no problem with women asking for what they want. They know what they’re feeling better than I do. I do still get triggered, and sometimes, it might take a couple of hours for the triggering to work through me. But now, I can laugh at myself once it’s cleared.
Because of Orgasmic Meditation, I’ve become more observant in every aspect of my relationships with women. When you are stroking in Orgasmic Meditation, you have the time to notice many things, first about women's bodies and then their inner lives. I love when women know how to ask for what they want. I feel more present with women in particular and with life in general.
I used to perceive and judge women on looks. But then I started OMing with women in their late 40s or early 50s who had children and had weathered life. I’d look at their genitals and their faces, and somewhere in there, I began to see them in a different light. OM—Orgasmic Meditation allows me to see more beauty in people and life. I can see the positive and get out of the negative more quickly.
My relationship with my body has also changed. When I was a yoga teacher, I was hard on myself. I always had to be able to do twice what I expected from the attendees of my classes. Now I’m relaxed about exercise and doing what feels good for my body and me. After an OM, I feel relaxed. It takes the drudge of the day away. An evening OM can change my energy, and the best OM will put me in that flow state I sometimes get in sports where everything seems to go perfectly. Orgasmic Meditation has become very important to me. And all it asks of me is to show up.
