Since I was a child, I was highly sensitive. I watched everything and everyone and didn't talk much because I felt so much on the inside. When everything around me felt right, when people were being honest and caring, I'd get waves of sensation that rolled through me. When people were faking and lying, my body would feel closed off and shut down.
People always said, “Oh, look at this child with the beautiful eyes. Too bad she's so shy.” I hated it when they said that. I wasn't shy at all. I was just very present and sensitive to my environment. As a teenager, I forced myself to be how I thought other people expected me to be. I learned to talk to people, even though I didn't really want to. I've never liked socializing. Being alone is fine with me. When I was twenty-two, I finally had a boyfriend, not because I really wanted one but so that people would know I could get one.
I left my home in Canada and moved to California when I was in my 20s. I wanted to get far away from my siblings, who ridiculed me often. In California, I made friends and found work as a caretaker for people in their homes. I loved the work. It was a place where my intuition was welcomed, and even though the job included long hours, I felt energized. I became a workaholic, spending most of my days and many nights on the job.
At the same time, I pursued paths that helped refine my sensitivity. At one point, I even became friends with Eckhart Tolle and helped him get recognition. I practiced his principle of staying in the now, as well as studying many other spiritual teachings. I've always been a seeker, always searching for more knowledge.
I stumbled upon Orgasmic Meditation (OM) online in 2016 and was instantly curious. I took a class and dove right into the practice. Everything about OM seemed so interesting, but my first time trying it was nothing extraordinary. The sensations were different from those I felt in everyday life, so it seemed normal. I kept OMing because the one thing I did feel was total surrender to the experience. During Orgasmic Meditation, I wasn’t hoping for something different to happen. I was able to be with each moment exactly as it was.
It was also a new place to practice being present with the moment, which felt different in Orgasmic Meditation because it so directly involved my body. That was a missing piece for me. As my sensitivity and intuition heightened, I also learned I could act on them, just as you can ask for an adjustment when the stroker's finger isn't quite on "the spot.” You can request changes until the stroker is stroking the most electric spot on the clitoris at any given moment, the spot where you feel your body light up the most.
I also learned to track the sense of being on the spot outside my OMs. The practice creates the space to observe what is on the spot in Orgasmic Meditation (OM) and life and what isn’t, and my body becomes the gauge for that.
My whole life, I had assumed everyone gets those electric sensations in daily life. It wasn't until I had been OMing for a while that I told someone how my sensitivity to other people's feelings has always manifested in my body, and she said, “Not everybody has that. Honor it. It shows you the truth.” Orgasmic Meditation gave me permission to value the gift of felt sense and realize it's something I can use and rely on, like gut instinct. I've always wanted to fully trust and follow what my body communicates, and now I'm making a point of really doing that.
For instance, my job ended in November of 2019. Instead of looking for more work, I had the sense I should take time off. I knew internally that some kind of major change was on its way. So, I kept following that instinct, which told me to re-organize my apartment. I worked at it steadily, thinking it would be easy if I decided to move for some reason because everything was so organized and clean. And that's exactly what happened. In February of 2020, COVID-19 was happening in China and Europe, but it hadn't hit the U.S. Some instinct pulled me. I was sitting quietly at home, and something told me to buy a plane ticket and go back to Canada. I trusted this sense because Orgasmic Meditation had shown me how to follow the energy wherever it takes me.
I knew someday I would have to return and care for my mother. For years, I had put off going home until COVID-19, and my intuition pushed me. I arrived just in time to deal with what was going on with my siblings. They were trying to place my mother in a home so they could sell her house and get cash from it. I stopped everything from happening and turned the tables completely around. As I was starting to take care of my mother, I was able to wind up my life in Los Angeles. Because I had organized the apartment, it was all set for friends to help with the arrangements. My intuition helped me choose what notary to use for the legal documents and what mover to hire so that everything went smoothly.
My siblings can no longer bully me. I don't care what they say because I'm so solidly in tune with myself, able to trust myself. I'm no longer changing myself to please them or having to move away from them for protection. They will have to adjust themselves to who I am now. A big van of my stuff is coming because I’m here to stay as long as it feels right. That’s how I live my life now, connected to that deeper truth and letting it guide me.
